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Bereavement

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Can't talk about my dad's death

2 replies

Strathyre · 24/09/2023 12:28

I wondered if anyone would have some advice for me or had experience of feeling similar. My dad died two years ago and I still can't talk about it at all. It's a feeling like the grief is still bottled up inside me, and if I try to talk about it I'll start crying and won't be able to stop.

I wonder if the problem is that when he died, my twins were six months old and I was extremely emotionally detached because i was so preoccupied with them. We had a lot of issues in the first year with feeding and allergies, which are now resolved. But at the time I remember feeling a huge pressure to figure it all out and get help for them. I don't remember crying much or even feeling upset when we found out he had a terminal diagnosis, or when he died. Which at the time seemed helpful because it allowed me to carry on.

My mum sometimes tries to talk to me about him and I just clam up or change the subject, and I feel terrible because I should be supporting her with her grief (she was married to him 35 years).

I also cant talk to my husband about it which means he cant support me (since he's not telepathic!). Plus I'm aware that at some point I need to figure out a way to tell my kids about their grandad and I can't imagine how I'm going to do that!

OP posts:
CornishGem1975 · 24/09/2023 17:03

Didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

It sounds to me like you could do with an impartial ear - have you tried counselling for bereavement? I think you sound like you'd really benefit from it.

There's no right or wrong when it comes to grief.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 24/09/2023 19:31

if I try to talk about it I'll start crying and won't be able to stop.
This is what you need to do, with your husband/mum/friend. Talk about them, cry your eyes out, get it out WHEN YOU ARE READY.
Grief has no time frame. Bereavement counselling might help too, they’ll support you in coping with it.

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