Support for widowed mum

[sociallubricant]

Looking for ideas to support my mum. dad died six months ago and they'd been married for forty years. Does anyone have any suggestions of social groups for ladies to get together for friendship,support and to go out for coffee/fun things. Mum is absolutely not a church, knitting, flower arranging type of person. I've tried the Jolly Dollies (anyone got any experience with them?) but so far have heard nothing from the local group.

You can get in contact with your GP surgery and see if they have a social prescriber. They should be able to support your mum to find suitable local groups. Do you have an active branch of Age Uk in your area? If so I'd make contact with them too.

WI or U3A?

How old is she? My friends husband just died 2 months ago. She was 60 earlier this year. They were married for 40 years.
She walks a dog for an elderly neighbour everyday. She helps in a charity shop once a week. And at a market for the same charity every 2 weeks. She also does dog sitting for some people locally.
Additionally she has signed up to Trusted House Sitters to consider taking jobs in other countries as well as local to her.
Finally she has joined a number of local groups that meet in cafes nearby for coffee once a week.
She needs to think what she might like to do. I'm conscious lots of adult children try to make their parents older than they actually are.

May not be very helpful, but when my Dad died I tried to help my Mum by doing everything I could for her. After a few months it struck me that here was a bright, intelligent woman who was more than capable to doing stuff for herself - and me taking over was aging her faster than necessary.

Time is the greatest gift you can give her. Meeting for coffee. Theatre. Weekends away etc.

Sorry for the loss of your Dad.

Sorry for your loss

Does SHE actually want to join a group and get out and about more, or do YOU think she should be? My own mum was windowed when younger. Here are some ideas, but really depends if your mum is at the stage of wanting to be out and about more.

• Computer lessons to feel more tech savy and be able to do basic online banking, online shopping, learn a hobby etc
• If she likes animals, charities like the cinnamon trust are often looking for volunteers to walk dogs or foster when say the owner is in hospital
• Attend a luncheon club
• Join the local bowls club, golf, tennis, sporting group. I often found they were often very sociable, even if you don't actually play the sport!
• Volunteer at a food bank, soup kitchen, charity shop
• Adopt a train station and help with the gardening
• Volunteer at a local hospital

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply.
Mum is late 70s and ,yes, she does want to get out and about. She said last weekend 'is this it for the rest of my life? A supermarket trip, see a friend for coffee and then visit you at the weekend?'
She feels she'd like to meet other women who understand her situation. she's unfortunately not very internet savvy so she needs me to sort it out and research for her.
The social prescribing at local GP is a great idea, I'll look at that next week. I'm surprised they haven't suggested anything to her as she has seen GP for depression recently related to bereavement. I also thought the hospice would follow up to offer support but it's been tricky so far finding anything.

Thank you for the ideas!

You could look into her local WI. Some are flower-arrangy but others are more broad.

What does she enjoy?

Are there any Silver Surfer computer courses running near her or any other classes she might be interested in: history, languages, upholstery, calligraphy.

Would she be willing to do something like a coach trip, start small with an overnight one. Gives the opportunity to be with a group of people so not just travelling alone.

Is there a local U3A group? There might be something she fancies there.

My MIL was widowed last year. She's gradually found a groove, but it took a while. My mum encouraged her to join a lien dancing class - you don't need a partner and it's for any age, so she started going with SIL and niece and now goes alone.

From that she found out about a couple of ramblers groups and has joined them.

What she struggled with initially was doing/going places she used to go do with FIL - it was best to avoid these and do something new.

Her local library might have a listing of groups she could join? A local choir, volunteering, walking groups to get some fresh air and chat, even some bereavement groups where she might meet people who have been through similar to your mum. Does she have any hobbies that would get her out of the house?
DM took up different hobbies after DF died as it was too much of a reminder to continue with a shared hobby. She also volunteered as found helping someone else took her mind off her own worries for a couple of hours each week.

Does she have a hobby she likes to do. Or could she take up something new? Start of term at colleges, adult courses available. Or volunteering or even a job.

You could see if her local library runs some basic computer courses. My DM isn't interested but if yours is it could help her to become more confident.

I think it's great that you are looking for her but don't be too surprised if six months down the line not a lot has changed.

There's a community shop in the next village that my mum signed up to be a volunteer at. She really enjoys it and can sign up for as many/few shifts as she wants. They also have a social once a month in an evening. Anything like that?