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sunshine1201 · 2023-09-20T17:13:59+00:00

My father in law has died and I would like to send my mother in law a card. Do I send it just from me, or include our grown up children ( 20 and 25 ), they may send a separate one if I prompt. Do I include my husband as it was his dad? Thanks

IHateCornerBaths · 20/09/2023 23:19

I would send it from you all.

DelphiniumBlue · 20/09/2023 23:24

IHateCornerBaths · 20/09/2023 23:19

I would send it from you all.

I absolutely wouldn't do that, it could come cross like you re trying to get between DH's relationship with his Mum. If you want to send a card from you, then do that, just from you. I would find it really inappropriate for you to send a card from you and DH and the DC. I wouldn't have thought the DC need to send cards but they should contact their gran and make sure they visit her.

ishouldprobablygettherapy · 20/09/2023 23:37

@DelphiniumBlue with all due respect, what on earth are you talking about ?
There may be something I'm missing here. Or maybe I have misread / misinterpreted... but why on earth would sending a collective card for a bereavement look like she's trying to get in between the relationship her husband has with his mother??
Surely this is a normal thing to do.. to write a card from the family after the death of a loved one ?

DelphiniumBlue · 20/09/2023 23:46

Not in my family. Cards would be from people outside the immediate family, the immediate family would jointly be the mourners, so to speak. So we certainly wouldn’t send cards to each other , and to do so would really odd for us.
DH has his own relationship with his mum, he has lost his dad, are you sending him a card? Has his mum sent him a card?
He knows what’s expected in his own family , do what he thinks is appropriate, but I would see sending his mum a card from him as seriously over stepping .
Clearly all families deal with this sort of thing differently , but he should be dealing with this directly, if he thinks sending a card is appropriate.

Original poster

sunshine1201 · 21/09/2023 06:37

DelphiniumBlue · 20/09/2023 23:46

Not in my family. Cards would be from people outside the immediate family, the immediate family would jointly be the mourners, so to speak. So we certainly wouldn’t send cards to each other , and to do so would really odd for us.
DH has his own relationship with his mum, he has lost his dad, are you sending him a card? Has his mum sent him a card?
He knows what’s expected in his own family , do what he thinks is appropriate, but I would see sending his mum a card from him as seriously over stepping .
Clearly all families deal with this sort of thing differently , but he should be dealing with this directly, if he thinks sending a card is appropriate.

My mother in law and I have a good relationship
I have been messaging her in the lead up to the death (we are 4 hours away so I haven't seen her)
She finds it very important and enjoys receiving cards ie thank you cards from the Dc etc.
I will just send a card from myself. I will remind Dc to send a card(they are both good at doing that)
Certainly not trying to get between Dh and his mother, what an odd comment!

OP posts:

Mumofthree8 · 21/09/2023 06:42

From you personally, your children are old enough to contact /write to their grandma themselves? And if I received a card from my daughter in law that also had my sons name giving condolences for his dads death I would find that odd! It’s all very personal though so if you think she would be ok with that then you should do it, everyone is different.