What to buy a dying grandparent for their birthday

[hellosummeritsme]

Hello all,

This is likely to be my grandfathers last birthday as he has a terminal illness, I'm stumped at what to buy! Any ideas?

I would say something he likes to eat or drink, if he has any appetite. Is he mobile? Could you take him on a nice day trip or for a lovely lunch out?

Something thoughtful and homemade, bake him something.

Is there a particular type of music he likes? Either a play list of his favourites (get him an Alexa and Amazon sub maybe) or if he’s mobile enough tickets for a performance?

I’ve had this issue OP. They didn’t want anything and were already having favourite food daily.

We sponsored them a safe space kennel at a local rescue for a year

Photo blanket, I had a lovely one made for someone precious to me.

Or a reminiscence item. Some old style chocolates or sweets.

Something that involves giving up time-whether that be baking a cake or something similar-time is the best gift you can give anyone

A photo book?
Slightly randomly, when my grandmother was very infirm and largely bedbound, we got her a subscription to SkySports so she could watch the cricket.

It sounds trite, but time. If the grandparent is able to get out and about take them out for tea or lunch. If not, order something in and have some fun with them

A photo book?
Lollies / icecream?

A photo album of family pictures / a framed favourite pic? Something that might help ease any pains and help them be comfortable - heat up lavender pack? Nice pillow / cushion? Maybe an alternative therapies treatment if there’s anything that might help ease any pains/symptoms (if allowed with their condition/treatment) - massage / reflexology.

Newspaper from when he was born. Selection of photos and an album. Let him help make one for his family..

You don't need to buy him anything. Spend the day with him talking about the old times, his family, anything he remembers. Bring him his favourite food or treat. Don't make a big deal out of it being his last birthday. Be happy and reassuring that you are doing great (even if not true). The biggest stress to dying people is that they are leaving relatives behind who still need them. Very hard but please try to pass this reassurance on.

Definitely time to spend with them, being with them, talking to them, loving them.

Many people, when they know they don't have long left, actually find it awkward when you give them items - especially standard shop-bought things, as opposed to personalised items (like photos) that will remain precious to the family long after they've gone.

They may be worried about you 'wasting money'; or feel under pressure to use the item and fit it into their remaining time (not wanting to upset you); or it could even bring them sadness, if it's a reminder of the life they love and thus another thing that they're going to be leaving behind them.

Unless it's something very special and personal indeed, there often comes a time when you start rationalising saying Goodbye to your possessions that you've loved. Giving them extra stuff - especially stuff that won't be much use to other family members - can just add to their making peace with their life, their legacy and their stuff.

We bought my dad his favourite ever really expensive rum and a decanter that he would love which was a ship in a bottle as he was
a former merchant seaman. We knew he only had weeks but he loved it while he was here.

I got my neighbours wife a special mini afternoon tea she loved it bless her her husband said it was well received and just enough 😢

A photobook would be wonderful, if it were me.

In this situation I bought cashmere leg warmers and wrist warmers as they were having chemo and got terribly cold. Plus a thermos to take a warm drink in again for chemo sessions.

Thank you so much everyone, there are some really lovely ideas here!

photobook - dig out old photos of them, their wedding, and then more recent ones with grand children etc and date the photos you can.

It's time consuming to do well but they will love it and when they die, you will have a lovely thing to remember them by.