Is it ok not to cry at IL funeral?

[lilianafr]

My MIL recently died. I can't say we were best friends and we certainly had times in our marriage where I moaned to him about things she did, her being overbearing or her giving unsolicited advice. Nothing major though like going NC or them ever being unwelcome in our house. We had a friendly-ish relationship with some issues from time to time. We've got 2 DDs, they're 4 and 2 and will stay with my DM and DF whilst I go to the funeral to support my DH.

I feel a bit awkward though and I'm not sure how my DH sees this - I haven't cried once in relation to DMil's illness (she was diagnosed with cancer about a year ago) or her death (found out a few days ago). I don't think I'll cry at the funeral, knowing myself. I feel like I want to support DH as much as I can, I wish I could somehow alleviate his pain, I love him more than anything but worry I'm not appearing genuine or I appear indifferent because I won't cry.

I do cry quite easily for example at small arguments in our relationship (for example from him even mildly raising his tone in an argument) so it isn't like I never cry, and he knows I'm a crier! Just that somehow, this event did not trigger tears.

Will this offend him? Is it strange? Would he think me empathising with him or supporting him isn't genuine?

I didn’t cry at my mother’s funeral. You can always say you were focused on looking after his & the kids feelings, too.

@NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz did you cry when you found out she died / when it sunk in etc? Ie did you cry at all at her death?

It would be far weirder if you put on a show of crying when you weren't actually crying at all. like those professional mourners the Victorian used to hire. Just be respectful and solemn and supportive of your husband and his relatives. I think you're worrying unnecessarily.

I didn't cry at my dad's funeral and I was genuinely broken hearted. Tears are overrated as a sign of genuine emotion.

You don’t have to cry especially in front of others

you show sadness, grief in other ways

I didn’t cry at my dad’s funeral (but I cried for days later when I was in my own)

I didn't cry at MILs funeral, or about her death/ terminal illness. Don't overthink it, lots of people don't cry at funerals for lots of reasons

I don’t think so

when dh’s dad died I didn’t cry at all despite being very sad and like you quite often crying about small things. I guess it was important to help my dh through the funeral and hold myself together (I had to drive some people there and forth) even though the immediate family couldn’t

I think it's totally OK not to cry at a funeral, there has been very little if any at the ones I've been to.

I didn't cry over my FIL's death as we weren't that close and honestly it was a blessed relief for everyone as he had been ill a long time. I think my DH would have found it weird if I was suddenly welling up about it.

My DS didn't cry at my Nannies funeral this week. He said his bottom lip wobbled but that's all. And that's perfectly OK.

My husband cried like a baby when my mum died whereas I didn't cry immediately I was in total shock and was vomiting a lot in stead, grief isn't linear

You don't have to cry. Best thing you can do for your husband is be there for him in terms of helping with any arrangements and listening to him.

I don't think either of us cried when my MIL died and we were both present. I did have a deep sense of loss for her though in terms of the person she was and what I'd miss about her. In my husband's case she'd been seriously ill for about five months and I think he'd had time to come to terms with that was going to happen. He said afterwards his Mum had reached a good age, had lots of people around her that loved her so he was able to take comfort in that.