Husband not supportive

[mummymovingtolondon]

Hi mums,

I lost my father suddenly to aggressive cancer end of last year (over 7 week from diagnosis) it was incredibly traumatic and upsetting, I miss him every single day - he was so kind and caring, but I have to keep going because I have the most adorable 3 year old and I’ve been strong for them.

I am just feeling very hurt and frustrated, my husband has used my Father during an argument and makes comments like, ‘what would he think of your behaviour’..

I get incredibly upset and hurt by this and literally want to walk out! I think it’s unacceptable to use someone’s parent who has passed and bring them into arguments in a detrimental way. He says ‘it’s the only thing to make you listen’ - I feel he shouldn’t even bring him into anything, I am so upset and hurt by losing him and it just feels wrong!!

Any advice is appreciated, has anyone experienced this? I just feel very alone and am literally wanting to walk away because I feel so hurt! :(

I'm so sorry to see no one has replied to this post - and I'm really sorry for your loss. My advice would be if this comes up in an argument again say 'my father loved me unconditionally maybe you could try it'.
I'd borderline abusive behaviour on your husbands behalf and if you can in a non-arguement time I would point out that if he uses that line again it's a deal breaker- he doesn't get to control you by using your grief. If you are doing something that you think your father wouldn't like... I don't know...drinking excessively to mask the pain for example then it still needs pointing out that it isn't your husbands place to abuse the power of grief over you .

Sending love xx

You poor woman.
I am so sorry.
Your father sounds like a lovely man.
That is a really dreadful thing to say.
I agree with above that you need to speak to him about this.
I would be asking him if he wants the marriage to end because he has and continues to do the most shocking damage to it every time he says such a callous thing.
Are you happily married?
Because its hard to imagine a happy loving relationship with someone who would say something so unnecessarily hurtful, in anger, and repeat it.

So sorry for your loss. I hope the memories of your dad are some comfort and as your little one grows up that you see some glimpses of your Dad in him.

I agree with the PP. Speak to him at a time when you are both calm about how to improve communication when you disagree. Explain that using your grief as leverage in disagreements is destroying your faith in him as a partner and someone you can rely on.

Be kind and gentle with yourself. Losing a parent is such a loss and it takes so much time to adjust and accept.