My partner died a short while ago. We weren't together very long, but long enough to know we were going to be together forever. We made plans. We swapped weekends so we would both have our children at the same time. We both enjoyed each other's children's company. We enjoyed our time alone. He made me question if I'd ever been loved before.
And now he's gone. And I’m here. Alone. It's shit. I've got a great deal of support around me, I’m very lucky in that aspect. His family have been amazing. Even his ex wife is letting me see their children. But not having him here is the worst thing. I’m re-thinking my whole life. We planned where we were going to live, where we were going on holidays, city breaks, to eat, to visit. Everything. My phone is so quiet. I miss my morning texts or even more so the mornings I woke up next to him.
And now I look at other couples and they're not as in love as we were(are), they argue more, they're snippy. They don't gel like we did. And I know I have to stop it, but sometimes I just want to say.. why are you together. Life is too short. Find someone you actually like.
I know that isn't nice. And I know there's so much more than what I see. It's just so hard. I’m not saying we were perfect by a long shot. We were so good though. And it just hurts so much that he's gone.
I’m trying to get on with everything and I’m functioning day-to-day. I have my little cry in private and I put on my brave face. But it hurts so much and it's like life is never going to be quite as good. I'd never looked forward to life as much as I did when I was with him. He made everything feel possible. And now he's not here and I’m lost.
Think I’m just venting tbh. Not sure what I expect anyone to say. Someone asked for my number the other day and it shook me to my core. I belong to someone that is no longer here and I don't know what I’m meant to do now.