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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Don't know how lucky you are..

6 replies

ChorizoDog · 10/09/2023 21:07

My partner died a short while ago. We weren't together very long, but long enough to know we were going to be together forever. We made plans. We swapped weekends so we would both have our children at the same time. We both enjoyed each other's children's company. We enjoyed our time alone. He made me question if I'd ever been loved before.

And now he's gone. And I’m here. Alone. It's shit. I've got a great deal of support around me, I’m very lucky in that aspect. His family have been amazing. Even his ex wife is letting me see their children. But not having him here is the worst thing. I’m re-thinking my whole life. We planned where we were going to live, where we were going on holidays, city breaks, to eat, to visit. Everything. My phone is so quiet. I miss my morning texts or even more so the mornings I woke up next to him.

And now I look at other couples and they're not as in love as we were(are), they argue more, they're snippy. They don't gel like we did. And I know I have to stop it, but sometimes I just want to say.. why are you together. Life is too short. Find someone you actually like.

I know that isn't nice. And I know there's so much more than what I see. It's just so hard. I’m not saying we were perfect by a long shot. We were so good though. And it just hurts so much that he's gone.

I’m trying to get on with everything and I’m functioning day-to-day. I have my little cry in private and I put on my brave face. But it hurts so much and it's like life is never going to be quite as good. I'd never looked forward to life as much as I did when I was with him. He made everything feel possible. And now he's not here and I’m lost.

Think I’m just venting tbh. Not sure what I expect anyone to say. Someone asked for my number the other day and it shook me to my core. I belong to someone that is no longer here and I don't know what I’m meant to do now.

OP posts:
Jeffreybubblesbombom · 10/09/2023 21:18

So so sorry for your loss.
Keep reaching out to family and friends.
I feel the same when l see couples arguing ( even in Costco today).. lve lost two loves of my life.. one to suicide one to cancer.
It doesn't go away but you learn to live with it.. and accept it and cherish the happy memories.
Sending healing thoughts

Ratfinkstinkypink · 10/09/2023 21:18

It does get...easier? that's not the right word really. You learn to adjust to it. DH died 18 months ago and I vividly remember the anger, the confusion of the early days. I still wait for his van to pull up on the drive, I still expect to see him out on the road when I am in the car. I remember saying to someone that it felt unfair because we were going to be together for the rest of our lives but we were robbed of that, we had so many plans, he had so many plans and we didn't get to see those plans through. I feel a pang of jealousy when friends who met/married around the time we did post about their anniversaries, we didn't get to our first wedding anniversary, then I have a word to myself, give my head a wobble and wish them every happiness. There is a thread on here called The Storm 3, you would be welcome there, people on there understand what you are feeling.

Loafbeginsat60 · 11/09/2023 16:00

I am so sorry for all of your losses - I can't even imagine how awful that must be.

I was unhappily married for years and decided enough was enough and left. I am now married to someone who makes me so happy and we are about to have our 2nd anniversary. I suppose I'm saying I know how lucky I am to have had this second chance at love and I will never take it for granted.

I wish you all happiness for the future and hope that you find peace.

LoveRules · 21/09/2023 15:57

I'm so very sorry to read this thread. It's my worst fear having found true love at 52 and like you making big plans to integrate houses and lives with children.

My uncle died yesterday and leaves his widow having been married for 60 years. Terrible for her but they have lived a full and happy lifetime together.

You have been robbed.

Would it be helpful here to tell us about him qnd your story together?

So very sorry for your terrible tragic loss.

LilyLemonade · 21/09/2023 19:57

How absolutely heartbreaking and so terribly unfair. He sounds like a wonderful person and you sound like true soulmates.

I'm so sorry.

saltnsaucey · 21/09/2023 20:05

I am very sorry to hear about your loss, but glad to hear that you have good support during such a sad time. It is fine to vent and to express your feelings

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