hi,
hoping to gain some perspective here. Sorry, this is long, a bit of a vent I guess.
my husband passed away unexpectedly at home in June, and we held the funeral service in July. The interment of the ashes is set for the end of the month. I wanted to keep this as small and low key as possible. It will be a difficult day for our three boys in any case. I wanted it to be us (me, 3 boys) and invited my husband's family (he just has mum and sister). His mum isn't coming (fine, it a very emotional day and I am absolutely fine with her not attending). His sister is attending (she and MIL live in another country) and has been very dramatic and chest beating about needing to come to 'understand'. Whatever - we all grieve in different ways.
her ex partner (lets call him Bob, as that's not his name) remained good friends with my husband after the split, and he was in touch, and saw him last summer when he was back in home country. Bob was unable to attend the funeral, but called and said he would like to come and offer support at the interment. I said I wasn't sure as was thinking of it just being very small etc, but that it would be def nice to see him on another time if not. After that call, I organised the date for interment. I let SIL and MIL know. I spoke with MIL yesterday, which i had thought was going much better than expected... when... and she confirms she isn;t coming, but that SIL ,and also Bob is. I say 'BOB's COMING?' and she' s all, yes, you spoke on the phone? and how the SIL needs support etc. It's all booked. flights etc. Nobody said to me. It's my husband. I get it's her brother but, seriously, would you not just check before you book flights?? Not even my husbands best friends are invited to the interment.
so, it's booked, so can't say anything. but am I right to be pissed off? I don't get on with SIL or MIL super well, and they've done stuff at funeral etc and in whole time I was married which were annoying/disrespectful etc. Husband did all the contact, so we've never had a relationship where I would eg call or text them - I'd say hello if he was doing a zoom call or whatever.
I am trying to be mindful of respecting their grief, and acknowledging that they want to keep contact with the boys, but they don't seem to be mindful of my grief.
MIL has been a bit better lately, but they know no boundaries it seems, and I find it upsetting. Not helped by a language boundary (I can speak a wee bit of their langague, and SIL can speak pretty good english, MIL not really at all).
sorry this is a mammoth post, but how do I handle it on the day of the interment? and aftewards? I don't even know directly when they are coming/how long/ any expectations of putting them up etc. Only what MIL casually mentioned yesterday.
so, should I jsut let them come and Bob occupies SIL and have done with it all?? I mean, she could have brought her current partner. So I'm confused. Mind's all awhirl.