Stillborn

[L5428]

hi all, I am in a pickle. I suffered a stillbirth at 32 weeks due to placental abruption. My partner was away for work at the time and I didn't know how I was going to tell him, I felt so guilty that it was my thought. I didn't end up telling anyone until 7 weeks later when I eventually had a breakdown and took an overdose. I feel like the worst person in the world for what I have done and on top of that I feel like I am only starting to grieve the loss of my baby boy now. I am in a huge mess and dont know how to face it, any advice please.

So sorry for your loss @L5428 . I can't imagine what you are going through. Sands | Saving babies' lives. Supporting bereaved families.

You have done nothing wrong and have nothing to feel guilty about. You have been through a terrible bereavement with no support.
I hope you are getting it now 💐

Thank you, I am not getting any support at the minute, and my partner is leaving tomorrow, it is a very difficult time.

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry and sad to hear this. A tragedy has happened to you. It's overwhelmed you. This is not your fault. You need kindness and understanding. I'm so sorry.

Thank you, appreciate your kind words

Oh OP my heart is breaking for you. I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby. You haven't done anything wrong. You must be kind to yourself.

So sorry for your loss. Are you in touch with any charities? There is support available, it could be really helpful. I'm so sorry for this heartbreaking loss.

Speak to your GP. There may be other charities and support groups that you could look up.
Get support - Cruse Bereavement Support

My friend suffered the same. She had a beautiful baby boy too. It is not your fault. What is your son's name? Please reach out for some help xx

I am so sorry for your loss, I hope you are able to get some support.

xx

Thank you, his name is Finlay x

OP,

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby. I had a stillbirth 7 years ago and I know how dreadful you must be feeling. Feel free to DM me xx

I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby Finlay. How devastating, you poor love x

Oh my goodness, my heart breaks for you. You did nothing wrong, you were in shock and everyone reacts differently in those situations. You and your partner both need support and I hope you can find it. I'm so sorry for you loss. Finlay is a lovely name. Bd kind to yourself.

So sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby. Please reach out to the charities above, they will make you feel less alone. I love your son’s name.
you were in shock at losing a child, you did nothing wrong

I'm very sorry for your loss. It sounds like you've been through a terrible time. It must have been so hard keeping that to yourself. Try to be kind to yourself and give yourself a chance to grieve.

Oh gosh @L5428 I am so sorry that Finlay was born sleeping.

It is absolutely not your fault.

The attempt I imagine was a cry for help as you struggle to process the event and the feelings.

Can your partner stay ? Do you have friends or family that can be with you.

Please get in touch with SANDS charity (when you are ready) who specialise in child bereavement. They have a helpline.
https://www.sands.org.uk

I'm so sorry OP

My partner doesn’t want to stay, he says I’ve hurt him too much and he can’t look at me the same. Friends and family feel the same way x

Your latest post. I think you need to say an explain a bit more, if my friend of family member hid this for 7 weeks I wouldn’t feel like I could t see them the same way. I would assume they were really struggling with guilt, shame, trauma, ptsd etc and I would be there for them.

very kindly are you definitely sure that is how all your friends and family feel? How do you know this? Are you sure you this is not in your head due to how you feel at the minute?

I am so sorry for your loss. Please contact the charity above as a start but let’s help you try and unpick what is going on with friends and family.

Yes my partner has told me he cannot see me in the same light. My parents have said they are hurt that I didn’t turn to them and need space from me. He has said that I’ve lied to him for the past 7 weeks and he’ll never be able to get over it. I know I did lie, but at the time I didn’t feel like I was lying. The doctor I spoke to seems to think I completely shut it out of my mind as a way of coping and then when it started to resurface I couldn’t handle it. I would have swore I still felt movements etc, I didn’t accept he was gone myself.

You poor thing x it’s one of these very sad situations where neither of you are to blame. You were blindsided by pain and grief and that shaped your reactions. Equally I don’t think your partner is wrong either and probably also struggling with his feelings. Your parents and friends should be putting their feelings behind yours though. Supporting you should be their priority, their feelings and sadness are not as important as your pain. I’m sorry that this has happened. Hoping you can find a way through

How are you OP? Thinking of you x

So sorry for you. I also had a still birth at 32 weeks and if my husband hadn't been with me when I was told I may well have done the same thing. It's a trauma response. While I understand your loved ones are hurt, they cannot imagine what you experienced.

Look after yourself, big hugs x

I lost my baby girl at20weeks she was born but died 3mins later she had spina bifida I'm struggling to cope my partner is not being there for me just struggling himselfi already have 2 children