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Bereavement

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How to support DH

1 reply

juliajmsn · 07/09/2023 22:13

My husband isn't a huge crier but does tear up when things relate to family, our kids, our relationship, parents etc.

Recently his mum has been diagnosed with cancer, it looks like she hasn't got much longer to live and i have never seen DH like it. He bursts into tears most days, full on sobbing. He doesn't sleep well at all. I don't know how to support him, any tips?

This is complicated by the fact I don't have the best relationship with my MIL, we've had a fair few clashes and he knows this. I can't suddenly go into 'what a lovely woman she is, I will miss her dearly, she's the best mother in law anyone could dream of' mode because that would sound fake to him. At the same time I really want to support him emotionally.

Practically I feel like I am supporting him as best I can - I've always been the default parent, done most of the parenting for our 3 kids, if previously it was 80% 20% allocation of parenting duties, now it more like 95% 5%. I also have taken over all the cooking, we've got a cleaner, I have taken over life admin which has always been his thing before. I feel like I've taken as many tasks off his plate as possible so he's free to visit and support his mum. He's also thanked me for it many times and clearly appreciates it, so in terms of practicalities I'm doing ok.

Just unsure how ti support emotionally without seeming fake. Of course I never wished her death or illness but we don't get on! I hug him loads and hold him whenever he cries, however long it takes. Just feel like I don't want to appear cold or fake and it breaks my heart to see him like this

OP posts:
aspirationalflamingo · 08/09/2023 13:57

I hug him loads and hold him whenever he cries, however long it takes.

This sounds sincere, warm and loving. I wouldn't imagine he wants platitudes, just emotional support. The comfort and connection of someone who loves you walking alongside you - or propping you up a bit - while you are going through hell can mean the world.

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