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Original poster

How to hold back the tears??

15 replies

username098765 · 06/09/2023 15:57

I am going to see my auntie who I am really close with in a hospice tomorrow. This will be the last time I see her. I can't stop crying. I honestly don't know how I am going to hold it together. Does anyone have any tips on how to not burst in to tears as soon as I walk it. She is always so upbeat and joking around and I don't want to spend my last moments with her balling. I know everyone is different but I can't keep my emotions in. Tia.

OP posts:
RatherBeRiding · 06/09/2023 16:01

Is there anyone to go with you - it might not seem so emotionally daunting with someone there. Does she know it's the last time? It's so hard and I really feel for you. Sometimes it's best to just be honest and say to her it's hard and you're sorry for the tears but you can't keep them in.

TicTacNicNak · 06/09/2023 16:07

We could tell you to spend some time doing some deep breathing for a few minutes before you go in but in reality, if the tears are going to come, they'll come. Sometimes it's best to get them out of the way and then you can take a moment, compose yourself, and chat to your auntie if she's conscious. Do still talk to her if she's unconscious as she may still be able to hear you.

Take a bottle of water with you, as sipping that can help. Have some family/life news ready so you have something to talk about too.

Sending a hand hold. These things are never easy to deal with.

LetMeGoogleThat · 06/09/2023 16:11

My dad taught me this trick, while we were in and out of Intensive Care watching mum die. Push your tongue up hard on the roof of your mouth and breath through your nose.

If nothing else, it helps slow your breathing and compose 💐

TheSkull · 06/09/2023 16:46

LetMeGoogleThat · 06/09/2023 16:11

My dad taught me this trick, while we were in and out of Intensive Care watching mum die. Push your tongue up hard on the roof of your mouth and breath through your nose.

If nothing else, it helps slow your breathing and compose 💐

Edited

The tongue on the roof of the mouth is just what I was going to recommend. It really does work

Roselilly36 · 06/09/2023 17:10

So sorry OP, I have been in this situation a couple of times. It’s really hard, but it’s precious time to spend with your aunt, you will find the strength, as you won’t want to cry or upset your lovely aunt. Of course, you will cry when you leave. 🤗

SayingwhatIreallythink · 06/09/2023 17:14

Can you tell her that you’ll see her next week, even if you know she’s not going to make it, so you don’t have to do a big goodbye? Try and have it in your head that this isn’t the last time. Many sympathies, I also find it impossible to hold it together in these situations, and this is the only thing that sometimes helps me.

Original poster
username098765 · 06/09/2023 18:05

Thank you all. She is conscious. She has been given a week - 10 days. I want to see her now as this will be my lasting memory of her. I'm going with my Dad and brother. I know it's going to hard but I will try to be strong for her x

OP posts:
Original poster
username098765 · 06/09/2023 18:09

LetMeGoogleThat · 06/09/2023 16:11

My dad taught me this trick, while we were in and out of Intensive Care watching mum die. Push your tongue up hard on the roof of your mouth and breath through your nose.

If nothing else, it helps slow your breathing and compose 💐

Edited

Definitely going to try this thank you so much x

OP posts:
Carolinewales · 06/09/2023 18:19

Feel the emotions, cray and know it's ok to be sad. Your not alone and will be ok xx

Marylou62 · 06/09/2023 18:27

My Dad died in May and I had many visits...I found that if I felt the emotions building it helped if I actually cried before walking into the house/hospice (I played a special song on the car cd and sang out loud and sobbed..and sobbed) I could then hold myself together...not always but it helped...
I'm sorry you're going through this...

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 06/09/2023 18:50

Carolinewales · 06/09/2023 18:19

Feel the emotions, cray and know it's ok to be sad. Your not alone and will be ok xx

Yes she won't mind you crying! She might want to have a cry with you! You crying will show her how loved she is xx

Original poster
username098765 · 07/09/2023 19:07

It wasn't half as bad as I thought it wouldn't be. She has a laugh and a joke with us and we had lots to talk about. Just got a bit tearful when we said goodbye. Thank you all for your help.

OP posts:
ChelseaHudson · 07/09/2023 19:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

SayingwhatIreallythink · 08/09/2023 16:13

Glad it went as well as it could x

Missingmyusername · 08/09/2023 16:15

Ahh I’m sorry OP💐I was also going to say it’s ok to cry xxx

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