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Original poster

Death certificate folded in half

15 replies

belgiumchocolates · 04/09/2023 14:58

Hi

Please can you tell me if I have completely overreacted. I may well be loosing the plot. My Dad died last year but there was an inquest (routine no suspicious circs) which has now been concluded so we can apply for a Death Certificate from the registrar. I did this online as per the instructions and paid £2 for postage.

The Death Certificate has arrived in the post in an A5 envelope and it has been folded in half. For some reason when I opened it I burst into tears because they had folded my Dads Death Certificate in half to post it in a smaller envelope like some random mailshot. Is this me letting my emotions out over nothing or should the registrar's office have at least put it in an A4 sized envelope.

Sorry for such a long post of not much interest to anyone but I thought I would try. Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
bellinisurge · 04/09/2023 15:05

I'm sorry for your loss. I've been there. You are grieving and of course it feels disrespectful. The horrible reality is that it is cheaper to post smaller envelopes and they don't see it as a priority. I'm really really sorry and I totally get why that feels bad.

FannyFifer · 04/09/2023 15:22

With a lot of kindness I think you have overreacted.
I'm very very sorry for the loss of your dad.

Ratfinkstinkypink · 04/09/2023 15:35

If it is any consolation DH's death certificates came in an A5 envelope too, I think that is how they are sent.

Circumferences · 04/09/2023 15:39

Death certificates aren't supposed to be like a graduation certificate, something with a calligraphy signature that you frame and put on the wall. They're just a legal record. I wouldn't expect any other legal document to be sent flat in an A4 envelope.

I'm so sorry for your loss, but with kindness yes it's an overreaction. Perhaps try grief counselling to help?

Original poster
belgiumchocolates · 04/09/2023 15:58

Ahhhh thank you for the honest responses.

It's just that my Mum has a file with all my late Dad's information in. She kept every single report and document. I was a bit concerned that if I gave her the Death Certificate like this she would have the same reaction as me and get all upset . To anyone else it's just a routine document, but to us it's the final page in the book of Dad's life, illness and finally his Death. I can see by writing this down that I was being ridiculous.

I appreciate your comment @Circumferences it's a Death Certificate after all.

OP posts:
overdogged · 04/09/2023 16:00

So sorry for your loss. When you've lost someone close your reactions can be completely out of all proportion; small things hurt much more than they would otherwise. I'm sure nobody meant any disrespect to your lovely dad, and that piece of paper doesn't represent who he was to you and everyone else who loved him.

Alargeoneplease89 · 04/09/2023 16:03

Sorry for your loss. You could put it inside a heavy book to flatten out but I'm sure it's just emotions of the whole saga and feeling so final. 💐

Rufffles · 04/09/2023 16:16

I'm really sorry for your loss. I have just thought of an alternative scenario, and thinking of it this way might help...there's a chance the person who posted it thought it would be respectful and more discreet to fold it before sending. It's possible they thought opening it and pulling it straight out of the envelope (unfolded) and being confronted directly with its details might have been a bit upsetting for you.

It's only an idea but as I say, one that might help you to not be so upset.

Original poster
belgiumchocolates · 04/09/2023 16:17

I never even thought of that @Rufffles thank you that does help

OP posts:
Musicaltheatremum · 04/09/2023 16:22

@belgiumchocolates
I get it. Silly things make you cry at these times. My birth certificate is folded into many bits, my 2 marriage certificates too but I like to keep my mum and my late husband's certificates as A4. Never really thought about it and why until you posted but think it's about keeping them perfect and unspoiled.

Ratfinkstinkypink · 04/09/2023 16:24

If you colour photocopy it it doesn't show the crease mark. I have a photocopy of DH's in the plastic wallet with the original in its envelope tucked behind it if that makes sense. I know what you mean about the crease, I know it's just a piece of paper but feels like a significant one to me, it acknowledges that he lived and died.

Potentialmadcatlady · 04/09/2023 16:31

I get you… it’s totally understandable…. Not the same but my divorce ‘certificate’ arrived as a photocopy on crappy cheap a4 paper…
Sorry for your loss

RedFolder · 04/09/2023 16:35

put a flat cotton tea towel over it, or a cotton T-shirt, and iron it face down on a low setting. (My mum was militant about reusing wrapping paper and did this)

so sorry for your loss.

UsingChangeofName · 04/09/2023 17:11

Sorry for your loss.
As others have said, with the greatest kindness, this is a complete over reaction. It isn't a certificate - say like a graduation or achievement certificate someone might want to put on a wall - it is just a document that records the cause of death.
Birth certificates and marriage certificates come folded up too.
It just triggered a release of emotion as it seems a final thing, but they really haven't done anything wrong here.

Wheresthebloomingsummersunshine · 05/09/2023 18:52

Sorry for your loss, and the additional hurt of waiting so long for the certificate. DMs certificate also came folded in half but I keep in A4 flat in an admin folder and have sent it out myself in an A5 envelope. I didn't feel the folding disrespected her but appreciate that raw grief affects everyone differently. As another PP has said, folding it maybe gave you opportunity to take a breath before opening it and seeing the finality of the words.

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