Home alone

[thegreylady]

It is now 96 days since my husband died and I have just returned from a week in Turkey with my son ( who lives there) his wife and his in-laws. They are all lovely people and everyone was so kind and loving. My ds paid for everything including my flights. Now I am home I have friends and family here. So many people have much less but just the realisation that I will never again share anything with my dh, never hold his hand in the next chair, never be ‘us’ always ‘me’ is breaking me. I wanted to show him holiday snaps, tell him the funny stories and grouse about the airport delays. I just wanted Tom . Sorry to moan but writing it down helps a bit. One day I will empty his wardrobe and move his books. I might even sleep in his space but not today, not yet.

Make yourself a cup of tea, sit down and tell him all of this... just talk.. say it out loud... go through your photos ... laugh..shed your tears.. it is alright to do that...

It was so kind of your son to give your the holiday and good you have enjoyed it and made good memories.
Now you are back to reality, just the same as every other holiday ending, but your reality has changed.
Acknowledge it. Dont hide your emotions, even from yourself. This is your grief and 96 days is early and raw and painful.
Life will seem empty but time helps...it doesnt make everything better.. nothing can.. but time changes everything... it will never be the same ... but then neither are you ...

Try to look after yourself... get outside every day.. even 10 minutes wandering round the block.. keep in touch with the people who care about you.. sometimes that will seem overwhelming but they really want to support you.
And keep posting here if you find that helpful.
X

Sorry for your loss. It's a terrible time and the only way through it is literally through it.

Grieve at your own pace.
There is no rush to do anything. You can keep his clothes in your house for the rest of your life if you choose to. It's up to you and don't let anyone pressure you or tell you otherwise.

I would recommend moving into his place though - so sit in his chair and sleep on his side of the bed. This is commonly given advice and good advice because if you are where they were then you don't sit there gazing at their empty chair or reaching for them on the other side of the bed - becuase you can't see it.

Also it does in a weird way make you feel closer to them at least I found that.

Thank you so much. This morning I was cleaning under the bed and I found his palm cross which he thought he had lost when he left hospital back in March. It was such a comfort.

thats lovely @thegreylady I loved holding things they had touched. it made me feel closer - almost as if we were holding hands.

Sending love.

Sending love and strength x

Sending a hug. It is do hard I know. Just 'be'. Grief has no pattern, no timeline. It is something we learn to.live with or but is so hard. Look after yourself. Have you got the lifestyle to accommodate a pet? I desperately would like s fof but work commitments won't accommodate this at present. Take care.

I do have 3 cats 🙂