Scattered dh 2 days ago,feel rubbish today

[blackheartsgirl]

we scattered my dh ashes on fri, so many mixed feelings. I personally didn’t want to do it (I know it’s been 2 years) but I feel railroaded into by his mum and sister (which I sort of understand as his mum is very elderly and was fretting over it) they couldn’t understand why I’ve been keeping them so long but I’ve felt huge comfort knowing he was there in the house and my kids did too. his family were all there with their partners/spouses and afterwards they were all in a jovial happy mood.

I feel pretty crap now, went to an awards evening last night, felt so alone, and was left alone for a lot of it, people were off with their partners, kids off with their friends and partners too. Everyone can go off to their lives and I just feel so lonely and empty. They get to go back home to their partners but I can’t even have my dhs ashes with me anymore.

sorry for the dump, not expecting replies, it’s just nice to write about it.

So sorry you feel like this, it's a very personal decision whether to scatter or not. It's a shame you had family pressure.

Find something of his or yours together and ask him to settle in that so he can still be in the house. A favourite photo or painting, a book, a watch. Something that will make you smile.

His spirit can be wherever you ask it to be. It doesn’t have to stay in the ashes. Welcome him back into the home. He’ll always be with you.

And go easy on yourself. It’s been a very tough few days for you. Your feelings are totally valid and understandable

Perhaps immediate family and friends may see you 'coping' (as you have to when you have children) and so are not giving enough thought to how you feel. Is there any way you can get a day to yourself and visit somewhere you both enjoyed going, just to think about you and your DH?

I’m sorry it sounds like you are feeling some regret after being pressured. It would be good to talk about this openly so people know where your head and heart are. Don’t take anyone saying it was the right thing to do, express how you feel. It must be so hard to take next steps from this because scattering ashes is another funeral really. It's letting go and is such a final act. warm hugs to you. Hope things improve soon x

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you felt pressured. I know it's easy to say, but hard to do when you feel so low, but try and focus on the good memories you have with your DH. Take some time out for yourself as well, you are clearly still grieving and understandably so. Feel free to dump all you want here, it can be cathartic to let it out. xx

Thank you all, I’ve had a bad couple of days but I feel a little better this morning.

I’ve told my mum how I feel and she agrees that it wasn’t fair on dhs family to put the pressure on me. My friend has also been lovely too.

unbenownst to his family I have withheld a small portion of his ashes, they did not want me to do this and made it clear that I wasnt to scatter anything, anywhere else. But I have and I have a place to go when I’m ready and it’s just for me and that gives me a bit of comfort

His family shouldn’t have pushed you into that. They were wrong.

Sorry for your loss.

Scattering the ashes has ‘re-opened’ the grieving process for you. Take time to grieve and to look after your self and the family.

Can you plan some nice days, to commemorate your dh - go to favourite places, watch favourite films, cook food dh liked. Spend some time together as a family supporting one another .

People may disagree with me but I'm glad you did this.

They never have to know and everyone takes comfort from what they wanted to happen. It was very selfish of them to only consider their own grief and feelings.

Thinking of u OP. Grief is so unpredictable. U do what you need to do to keep afloat. Hand hold.

I’m glad you’ve kept part of his ashes. Would you consider getting a piece of jewellery made with it in to have him close to your heart?

They sound awful people. They had no right.