Running on empty

[ShortHairedGeneral]

My husband died suddenly, in front of me, 8 weeks ago tomorrow. I was off work for a long time, but have been back a week now.

I literally feel completely done in with my lack of physical energy and mental space.

I have 2 adult children, both with problems, who need my support, but I literally have nothing left to give.I don't even have the energy to have a surface level conversation with them, let alone be the mum they need to be.

If I don't work I can't pay my rent, or eat, or do anything.

I guess I will survive, but at the moment I can't see how.

Oh my goodness. That is very recent. I haven't been in your situation - are you in some kind of waiting list for counselling, or could you pay privately?
Do you have friends nearby or available on the phone?

8 weeks is a teardrop in the ocean. I’m assuming in those weeks you have had a funeral to arrange and lots of life admin to sort out? No wonder your tank is too full to function properly.

talking really helps, who do you have supporting you? Does your employer offer any kind of Employee assistance program?

be kind to yourself, recognise you are exhausted and if I was your adult daughter I would want you to tell me so I could help you, now isn’t the time for a stiff upper lip

i wish I could give you a great big hug and a shoulder to sob on.

Did you fall on your keypad and post a typo?

@ShortHairedGeneral it's a horrible horrible time for you, and there is very little anyone can do or say to take away your pain of loss.

bereavement is a very personal journey that you go on. It will be numerous rollercoaster rides, ups and downs, sudden floods of emotion, feeling your in a black hole, and periods of relative calm. The calm will gradually overtake the black clouds but it will take a long time and you can't quicken the process, it will happen when it happens. It took me a year of hell to come out the other side and feel even partially human again.

although your children have their problems, they will have hopefully have friends who they can talk through things with. Don't expect too much of yourself and don't feel bad about having no fuel in your tank to support them as much as you might have, had you not lost your DH. If your DH was their father, then of course you can be there to talk things through, but it will be hard for you when you're also having to live through this time.

if there were 2 things to focus on, I would suggest first, sleep and second, fluid intake. Take care of both these as much as possible and your physical fatigue will improve, and then gradually your emotional stability will return.

take care x

So sorry for your loss OP. Very early stages. Please don’t be hard on yourself, you need time and space to grieve. Take each day as it comes, and do whatever you need to to get through the day. Wishing you all the very best.

Thank you everyone for the kindness. I don't understand the meaning of the biscuit though?

Ignore that 1 post. You have us thinking about you, did you want to talk about your husband with us? I’m listening

@LampsAndWatches no it's a flower. I was being kind.

It’s not a flower

it’s a biscuit and commonly used on mn to give to the op when you don’t believe what they are saying

@LampsAndWatches well in that case im deeply sorry. I honestly thought it was a flower. Here's a better one

@ShortHairedGeneral how are you getting on OP? Thinking of you.