Depressive Stage Grief

[ZoeChannon]

My wife lost his mum 8 months ago. She seems to be going through the depression stage of grief but she's so mean. Acting like she doesn't love me and pushing me away. Anyone else experienced this?

I have not, but it is not unusual for people to push others away when they are finding their grief difficult.

Is it constant or does it come and go?

Kind on constant last 5 weeks with snippets of the old self

Must be very hard for you, but also for her.

Can you talk to her at all?

She's not really hearing just very selfish and head headed

I guess if it was me I would give them space but also be mindful if they were actually out of order. Do you have osme examples of what you mean by selfish?

One thing that happens is people feel worried about the hurt they will feel if someone else dies. It is common to push people away if you think they may either leave or die.

Have they had any bereavement counselling?

Yeah but we have a family and she's just acting out of character. I'm not her peace cause I remind her of her mum. She's hard at the moment doesn't seem to care.

She's done the sessions of grieving counselling.

Can you give some specific examples of what is happening?

Working late choosing to see friends instead of being home. Just saying that she can't forgive me for something I said in a argument (which really was small) she's literally not herself

I haven’t been on the receiving end of this but I’ve been on the other side. I was really nasty to my husband about 6 months after I lost a parent. I was really angry with the world and my husband was the one I felt safe with so I took it all out on him. Have you told her that it hurts you? That was the turning point for me; I was hurting and just screaming out for help- in the wrong way obviously. When I stopped for long enough to realise my husband was hurting too it made me go towards him instead of against him.
Do you have a good relationship otherwise? Try and be honest while being kind; she probably feels lost and needs you. I know that doesn’t make it easier but I thought it might help to hear from the other side.

Yeah told her and she said she's just being truthful.

No affection nothing. But still says she wants our marriage.