Mum end of life

[Hugasauras]

My mum is now entering the end of life phase after a fairly lengthy battle with metastatic breast cancer. We thought we had a lot longer but she was taken to hospital in the early hours and a scan revealed there is nothing else to be done and it's a case of days/weeks.

She lives 3 hours away with my lovely stepdad. He's hoping to bring her home on Monday. I am currently at home with DH and two DC (4yo and 12mo) and trying to work out what the hell I do. Work have been great and said not to worry, do what I need, but I'm finding it so hard to work out when I go, do I go alone, do I take the baby, do I try and go between every couple of days? Baby is still breastfed a couple of times a day and is very attached to me, although DH is absolutely happy to look after both kids if I go solo. 4yo will be fine with her dad.

I know no one can answer this, I'd usually ask my mum this kind of thing but she's quite heavily medicated right now.

Has anyone been in a similar situation with logistics? How did you decide what to do? I'm so terrified I will go too soon and have to come back and miss it, or not go soon enough.

@Hugasauras I am so sorry for your loss, I am so glad you were with your Mum xxx

@ajandjjmum I am so pleased you have said this, my Dad passed away and my son was 4 and a half. They were very close, and he does talk about him occasionally now, but I assumed the memories would fade as my son is so young. I will continue talking about him , lots.

Hugasauras I am so sorry for the loss of your mum. I am glad you got to be there with her and not everyone gets their loved ones there at the moment they leave this world. It is so very hard. Three years on I am still missing my mum but I try and focus on the gift I got of being with her and that she is no longer suffering. We suffer as we miss them, but their suffering is over.

Thank you for your lovely words. It's Mum's funeral on Friday, so I'm just powering on to get there and focusing on the practical stuff. I think I will find it hardest when the funeral is over and everyone else goes back to their normal lives and I'm just left without my mum. It's been two weeks and it still doesn't feel real that she's not here. But I've had so many lovely messages with memories of her, and everyone has been so kind and understanding. It really has helped.

I'm a bottler of feelings generally and tend not to share with pretty much anyone, but I've made an effort to be open with people and accept their help and offers of company and it has really helped.

Sending you strength for the coming days. The time following the funeral is tough, keep posting or pm if you need support. You will be ok

So sorry for the loss of your lovely mum. It is shit.
Try not to fear the funeral or the days after - you have lived the worst bit already. And be kind to yourself, make nice plans and treat yourself wherever possible.

My dd was 3 when my mum died and she never met my son. But now I see her so much in them. Sending strength as you go through this week.

My mum had a cardiac arrest the one night I was away from the hospital - I’d been there for over two weeks. You just can’t tell. I’d take the younger child and just hope you can come and go but I wouldn’t be waiting ❤️