Sorry guys this is a long one so bear with me...
7 months ago my DH lost his dad to lung cancer. Horrible time for him as you can imagine, I did my best to be supportive, put my needs aside and do whatever he needed to help. He had several days of complete depression, unable to get off the sofa or communicate to anyone and as a result lost his job. Again, no judgement, I gave him the option to stay off work - I've always been the higher earner and we can get by on my wages just about - to take the time to heal and maybe use the time not working to go get checked out by a doctor as he's been physically unwell for sometime. Turns out he has liver disease (not alcohol related) that is now being investigated and circulation issues that might need surgery. He's in constant pain and is exhausted all the time, barely sleeps at night as he can't get comfortable then passing out during the day, especially if he does anything physical which he regularly does as he spends a lot of time helping his mum out. So all in all a bit awful and still whilst dealing with the grief of losing his dad. Very hard times for us as a couple and a family but I think (??) I did my best to hold us together and keep going, taking on paying for everything and making sure we were ok financially as well as picking up everything else at home to give him the time to rest/deal with his own stuff.
Fast forward to a month ago and my mum died suddenly of a heart attack. My dad passed 6 years ago so this really left me spinning, trying to sort out funeral, all the paperwork and legal side of things and just trying to process a sudden death. Problem is, it doesn't feel like DH has the capacity to support me. For example, I asked him to take over food for the family for a couple of weeks whilst I was still in the complete shock and unable to breathe phase - resulted in him throwing a massive paddy over making sausages and mash because we didn't have any potatoes (I had explicitly asked him to take over both cooking AND food planning/shopping and left cash readily available for him, and there is a supermarket at either end of our street). Another time he decided to clear up the "junk" in the house - stuff I hadn't gotten around to sorting in between still working full time as the only earner and being at my mum's house every day trying to prepare for the funeral - resulting in his shoving a pile of clothes that needed returning in a dirty cupboard and throwing away the receipts so now I can't return them (1 wage...not exactly rolling in it!). Every other day he's back to being really down/depressed about his health and the physical symptoms which I totally get are horrific but there's a part of me that just wants to scream that I also need support and it just doesn't feel like its happening.
I really don't know what to do. I feel like we were in a bad place 6 months ago and I was sticking it out because he was having a hard time. Now I am as well and just don't know if I have the energy to keep it all together. I try to be reasonable and grateful towards him for what he does but inside I just want him to step up and I don't think he's able to.
Anyway rant over, not sure if I actually want advice or just a place to vent so if you read this then thanks for taking the time.