Unearthing family secrets

[ManorHall7]

MIL passed away at Christmas, FIL died 20 years ago. I have been helping SIL clear the house. DH hasn't been able to cope until now receiving counselling and also with pressurised job.

Today we found two adoption certificates which suggest MIL had a child adopted. SIL shell shocked and according to MIL history her and FIL were together but child has different surname. This was in early 60s so I think common practice perhaps for out of wedlock children.

I was astounded but have tried to be supportive, DH doesn't know and I haven't told him I think it needs to come from SIL. SIL is trying to obtain copy of birth certificate.

They don't have any other family to ask any questions. How on earth do you support them ??

These documents weren't hidden away so SIL thinks MIL meant them to be found. It was a sudden hospital admission and death but traumatic for them both to watch her die for a week.

I would definitely suggest reaching out to one of the adoption charities like Bernardos or Adoption Matters.

They will have specially-trained professionals who know how to handle these kinds of situations. They might be able to help you in approaching the adopted child (or helping you place a message that they can find if they start looking).

It's my understanding that it is important to use a specially-trained intermediary for these kinds of things.

You're right - SIL needs to speak to your DH. You can't support him in this if he doesn't even know. Has he been having bereavement counselling or some other kind of counselling?

Perhaps it won't come as terrible news to him? Maybe they will eventually find a sibling and it all might work out as a happy thing?

He is having bereavement counselling and suffers anxiety. I don't think they know if they want to approach the sibling.

They are just sad I think that they can't ask questions etc as there isn't anyone left.