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Bereavement

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Original poster

Missing my dad

13 replies

Yoyoyo1 · 25/06/2023 21:27

My dad died in March. I was utterly bereft for a few weeks. I have been ok, but now there is this weird limbo. I am ok for a while, seeing friends, laughing, and having fun. I feel guilty for this, but know my dad would want me to.

Today, we have had family things. He's missing. My heart breaks for my mum. I can't really believe I will never see him again. He was lovely and so, so funny. I miss his stories. He was ill, but he still made everyone laugh. I miss him ranting about politics. There is a flatness now, where there used to colour.

How can I get things back? How is there so much future without him, when there was so much past with him?

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 25/06/2023 21:34

I haven't got any magic answers but it does get easier. I lost my DF 5 years ago and still think of him every day.

Time doesn't stop you thinking about them but it does start to take the sting out of the pain.

Two things that I found super helpful were walking and talking either with my DSister or by myself, water is particularly helpful, and Grieg counselling. I know they grief counselling doesn't work for everyone but it helped me see that although it was incredibly sad, I'd be alright and life would go on Flowers

OhFGSwhatTFnow · 25/06/2023 21:37

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I lost my dad just over two years ago, and I’ve just about reached the stage where moving forward without him being in the world doesn’t seem totally alien, and I feel able to celebrate his life instead of grieving the fact it ended.

I still managed to burst into tears in Sainsbury’s today because DD18 (unknowingly) picked up a jar of pickled chillis which my dad always used to have in the fridge as my mum wasn’t into cooking anything spicy!

It’s still really early days for you. Take care of yourself and if sometimes you need to dwell and cry that’s fine, but it’s also more than fine to be happy.

Original poster
Yoyoyo1 · 25/06/2023 21:41

Thank you. I feel bad for not crying. I did cry when I saw his favourite food in the supermarket last week.

OP posts:
ginswinger · 25/06/2023 21:46

I lost my Dad 8 years ago and it does get easier as time go on. It doesn't ever really stop though I don't think, you just curl your life around the hole he left. I can still cry big sobbing tears thinking about him but I find it helpful ro do that; remembering him is good for my soul.

ginswinger · 25/06/2023 21:48

Do you want to tell us about him?

annonymousse · 25/06/2023 21:50

I'm in a similar position OP. My dad died in February. Most of the time I'm ok but then the feelings just overwhelm me and I just feel so bereft. I just keep telling myself it's still early days.

Original poster
Yoyoyo1 · 25/06/2023 22:11

Thank you. He was wonderful, kind and funny. So sorry for others losses.

OP posts:
Sohereitissuddenly · 26/06/2023 17:06

My Dad died in March too. I've been terribly weepy the last few days. I keep having flashbacks to the week he died which was traumatic. But that sense of disbelief is here a lot. I guess it's the stages of grief. They swirl around.

Even Elton at Glastonbury set me off. Dad loved the Yellow Brick Road album, even though he hadn't played it for years. I remember him playing it when I was a kid and looking at the album cover and it's weird artwork!

It is funny how we measure time isn't it? When life begins we do it in weeks. I remember when my son was born, it's all you're x weeks pregnant then baby is x weeks old. Seemed a while before we measured months. It's 12 weeks since Dad died. That is nothing compared to how long I had him. It's raw. We need to be kind to ourselves. X

petitepeach · 31/07/2023 08:10

I lost my lovely Dad in February too. He was a larger than life character so life feels very empty without him… he adored my children and they adored him so they are also lost without him.
He was the one everyone went to for advice and he had a wonderful sense of humor …. I just feel bereft as if nobody is there for me anymore 🥲

I organized everything for my mum afterwards; but am finding it very hard to deal with.. she isn’t being very kind with me and I have come to the realization that she isn’t very nice sometimes and is quite manipulative…
I wasn’t allowed to stay in the house for visits about a year before he died so feel as if there were so many things unsaid … I just feel sad about a lot of things and wonder if I should speak to someone?
It is early days still… but I have a little cry most days .. little things set me off.
Sending hugs and love to everyone that is grieving … I’m sure things will get easier but it is so, so hard to deal with and I just miss my dad so much xxxx

Roselilly36 · 31/07/2023 08:29

so sorry for your loss OP Flowers

i have lost many in my family, it never gets easier but less raw with time.

freetheunicorn1 · 31/07/2023 08:32

I lost my dad coming up 8 years ago and it does get easier but then something will crop up and it is like a punch in the gut.

Grief is a complicated process so don't ever feel wrong for your feelings.

JustToBeMe · 31/07/2023 09:22

I'm 3 years on from you, iMum misses him, but we often talk about him with my sister.

As someone else said up post, "Time doesn't stop you thinking about them but it does start to take the sting out of the pain"

It does get easier.

Chans11 · 31/07/2023 15:56

I lost my dad in Sep 21 whilst being 7 months pregnant which I found very difficult and think I have only now been grieving. It doesnt get easier and you will never forgot him but you learn to live with it.

so sorry for your loss ❤️

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