My grandmother died and I feel nothing

[TexasTyson]

Literally nothing. Just a bit sad for my mum.

We weren’t close, but still. I feel like I should have some kind of feeling. But no.

Yet I cried for 2 solid hours when my DPs cat died.

Whats is wrong with me!?

Nothing. I didn’t cry when either of my nan’s died, and I loved them a lot. Yet I cried when my cat died.

You can only feel what you feel. As long as you are respectful to those who feel differently, there is nothing wrong with you.

Also, just because you don’t feel it now doesn’t mean that you won’t get pangs later, when something reminds you.

I guess you weren’t just close? I was super close to mine, she died 20 years ago and I’d often cry thinking about how much i miss her.

I don’t think I will. I’ve not seen her in about 6 years. She had favourites among her grandkids and dropped me when younger ones came along (I’m the eldest). She took a bit of an interest when I went to uni as I was the first in the family to do so but that soon tailed off.

My mum saw her once a month or so till dementia took hold. Then more often. But she had little involvement with my immediate family.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I’m extremely close to my other Nan, so can only imagine how much you miss her ❤️

Sounds like you had very little relationship with her (due to her own choices). Whereas I'm guessing you probably spent more time with the cat, it showed you more affection and added more joy to your life.

Maybe you will grieve for your grandmother at some point, maybe not. Either way it's OK.

I've had a close relative die and not grieved for them at all. (Nobody else was very sad either, as far as I know.) But I've wept buckets over a cat dying. Frankly, the cat had a nicer personality and gave more love to the people around it.

Everyone grieves in different ways. TV soaps suggest you have to be crying and wailing all the time, but some people aren’t like that.

My Nan died recently too and like you I didn’t particularly feel any sort of way and I feel awful saying that but I’d be a fraud if I was to say I did. I think I was the only one that didn’t cry at the funeral and am yet to still do so.

I remember thinking that something must be wrong with me but I realised there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Of course I loved my Nan but me and my immediate family just weren’t that close to her anymore compared to my extended family and that’s fine.

I too cried for days when my dog passed so I must have a heart in there somewhere!

That's the thing, I wouldn't say I loved her. Not since I was a child anyway. I had no relationship with her at all as an adult.

I feel guilty that people keep offering me sympathy- I feel like I have to explain that I'm absolutely fine so they don't waste it on me.

Sounds like you did your grieving for this relationship many years ago. Don't feel bad. You don't owe anyone any crying.

I had no relationship with any of my Grandparents other than the odd visit and my Gran used to write to me once a year.
When they died I just thought “oh that’s sad” and nothing else.
You are under obligation to feel anything

I've had a close relative die and not grieved for them at all. (Nobody else was very sad either, as far as I know.) But I've wept buckets over a cat dying. Frankly, the cat had a nicer personality and gave more love to the people around it

Came on here to say pretty much this. When our cat went missing I hunted high and low for him, then when it was clear he was lost for good put his dishes and toys away 'just in case.' Much later I cried when I had to bin them. DGM died? meh (for both of them). But the cat was sweet, affectionate and loved my company. The GMs were malign old women.

OP - I realised when I was eight years old that my maternal grandmother didn't like me. Years later I heard her admitting it to my DM but by that time I didn't care. I wasn't wasting tears on her.

You are normal
I was extremely close to.my dad and I haven't cried once since he died 8 months ago

I was the same. I only really cry at funerals. I'm dry eyed before and after! I also find I am much more affected by the death of someone young that someone who has reached a decent age. Also, in the cases of my two grandmothers, they had little quality of life in their last couple of years so it felt like it was the right time, if you see what I mean.

A quick 'thank you' if people offer sympathy seems an appropriate response. Your limited relationship with your late grandmother is your business alone.

I felt nothing on the death of both parents(DM had cancer, F was a waste of body cells), DFiL died suddenly so suffered little pain, MiL had meningitis so was out of it with drugs. So the passing was in some cases a relief for the person, and for relatives not having to witness slow decline.
Yet, as with previous ps I cried for months after the death of my first cat. Still do well up when I hear Memories (memories of days in the sun) Going now as I think of it!!!

Very kind thank you x

Thank you everyone, you’ve made me feel better!

I didn't cry when my grandparents died, 3 weeks apart. We just weren't close, my parents moved away from them when I was very young so I grew up seeing them 2-3 times a year. They were nice people, but I didn't really have a grandchild/grandparent relationship with them.

I felt bad about it at the time, I'm the type to cry over a pet dying, but I just ensured I showed an understanding of the upset for my Dad. There's been a family breakdown ever since (long story) and my lack of serious grief definitely helped me cope with it!

Xx

I've never felt any personal grief or sadness over a death. Even my Grandfather who I loved dearly. I feel for the people that are feeling bad but I just don't seem to feel sadness over death.