Any tips for helping my son through Fathers Day?

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Just that really. My son is a young teen and his dad died last year in complex circumstances. I just want my son to feel like he can do something for his dad but I'm struggling as to what. He seems quite distant about it all but probably because he's still trying to come to terms with it. Any tips on how I can make tomorrow memorable, not too heavy, warm cosy feeling about his dad?

I am.sorry, Op, that sounds really hard.

How would it be if you offered to take him out for food, and maybe the cinema or watch a favourite film at home or something?

Is there anything his dad liked to do, or some special place he liked to go where you could both remember him? Even just a park or something.

You could possibly light a candle and sit with your son and just be in the moment with him?

These occasions are hard when they've lost a parent especially at that particular point in growing up.

I was a bit older when I lost my dad but my sibling was probably a similar age to your son. To be honest Father’s Day I just fully tried to ignore (stick my head in the sand and tried to stay off social media) but for the first few birthdays (his) my mum would make sure we did something nice together like go to the beach or go for a nice walk. I think it helped to mark the occasion but not put too much pressure or expectation on it. On the anniversary of his death I always (and still do now 10+ years later) did the same thing. I would make a recipe that he used to make and love and it always made me feel connected to him. This worked/s well for me but I’m not sure my sibling would get the same from it. The only thing I would flag about doing something nice with your son on fathers day is that there’s likely to be a lot of dad’s&sons/kids out together which might be a painful reminder for him. Could you ask him what he’d like to do? So he’s aware you are aware of the significance and potential sensitivity of the day? Even that might make him feel less alone/conflicted about the day.

I was older when I lost my mum but I understand the pain of 'special days and anniversaries'. For my first mothers' day without my mum, I continued to treat it like a 'special day' so we had lunch out, went for a walk, had cake etc. I think it's important to acknowledge it rather than just wait for it to be over, so perhaps there's something nice you can do together 'in honour' of his dad? Might be a nice lunch or an activity he'll enjoy? No, it's not the same and that cloud of loss is always hovering nearby but embracing the day rather than waiting for it to be over is what works for me. Everyone processes loss differently of course but I hope you're able to find something you can do together and in a way 'reclaim' the day.

A walk is often helpful in emotional times, is there a location where you could go and walk with him.

The most important thing is to make it known that a) you understand it could be a difficult day b) it is always OK to have difficult feelings because he is not alone with them, you will listen c) in time he will find his feelings easier to manage.

I love all the pp's ideas. I would say do something to help him remember and talk about his Dad. My family go for a bluebell walk to remember our Mum every year, because she was very keen to take us all every year. It's low effort, just walking and whilst we do mention her it can be less forced.

Secondly, do something fun, just for sun. Like the cinema or a special meal. So there's light and shadow in the day.

I wouldn’t take him out for lunch today because the restaurants will be full of people celebrating with their fathers. A walk or activity would be better.

Is he approachable on the subject? Could you ask him if he would like to mark the day and how? Maybe say that you would like to do something and see what he says. At this stage he might find it easier to do nothing - he's at a difficult age.

I absolutely agree that going out would be hard because of all the families celebrating. Maybe something low key at home together.

I am sorry you are in this situation.

Thank you everybody for these suggestions.
I think we will get his dads recipe book out and choose something to cook together that his dad would have made for us.
Lighting a candle is a nice touch - we haven't done that for his dad so we can do it this evening.
I think it might be good advice to avoid activities where there might be lot's of children with their dads. We want to drop something round to his dad's dad too (my son's grandad). I can't even imagine what it must be like to lose a son.

I am sure that Grandad will greatly appreciate your gesture and seeing his GS might help him. What a lovey kind idea - and something constructive your son can do. Good luck with everything and hope that cake tastes good!