My friend's son

[BrassicaBabe]

My friends young adult son has been killed in a car accident. Her husband told me by WhatsApp.

We're long time friends. Live about an hour away from each other. Close but don't speak/meet very often.

I don't know what to say or what to do. I know there is nothing I can actually do do make anything better. Do I call, not call, visit, not visit, send food or flowers?!

Is there anything possibly that I can do so that she knows she's loved and supported and doesn't drown in this?

Acknowledge the text - make sure to add to text. If you need anything at all, please let me know.

Send a card as lots of people get comfort out of this. I would leave it then a week or so then text again asking how things are or similar wording

Of course you must respond. No, nothing you do at this point will make anything better, but it puts in place that you are there for her. This is a very very long road and there will be times when your support can make a real difference, and others when it can't. But if you don't set up the channels now, she won't want to turn to you later.

I would just be totally honest.
"Dearest friend, I'm devastated to hear the news of your son's (use name) death. I know there is nothing I can say that could possibly bring comfort right now. But I still want you to know I am thinking of you all the time. I am sending love. And I am here for anything I could possibly do to help - please, please tell me if there is something.

I don't want to call right now, because I don't want to intrude, but if that is wrong and you want to talk or a visit would help, then of course I'm here for you- any time of day or night.

Name was such a wonderful/amazing/generous/joyous boy and I am sorry beyond anything words can express.

I am sending all my love, and will write again in a few days.

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that I hadn't responded to the original message. I did right away.

Thankfully she was able to respond to my message and I've been to visit. Just stayed for just half an hour. Took frozen meals 🤷‍♀️