ex-MIL

[Divorcedalongtime]

It was sudden, a stroke, a few days and then she was end of life so I drove my kids up in the middle of the night.
it was surreal with the hospital being closed to the public. she couldn’t speak or move much but she grabbed my hand and held it so tight.
I’m so confused about my feelings and I know it’s ok to be.
I’ve known her over 20 years and she was almost 50 when I met her son, peri menopausal and welcomed me into the family with open arms…
Much has happened since, divorce from her son years ago and fighting in-house in their family, I’ve stayed on the outskirts, being on good to reasonable terms with them all for my children’s sake…
now I’m 50 and peri menopausal and she is gone and I feel sadder than I thought I would.
My first MIL died suddenly too 25-30 years ago.
and i am a little bit annoyed that everyone I’ve told has said some version of “it was for the best that she didn’t have to suffer for long” rather than just acknowledge that I feel sad so I’m writing here…

I'm sorry for your loss 💐

Thank you

I'm so sorry you lost such a wonderful person. People want to give you some positives which is why they say those things, and in time you may see them. But right now it's all about loss, yours and your DC's. It's ok to feel sad, angry, hurt, some of it, all of it. She was special to you. 💔

Sorry for your loss. Your ex-mil sounds like an amazing woman. Fights and worldly troubles aside, it’s clear you’ve done a good job navigating difficult family situations and I bet she appreciated you as much as you appreciated her.

It’s good that you were able to visit and say goodbye albeit briefly. That hand clasp stands in for all the unspoken words and hugs - she knew you were there, and she was glad of it.

Yes, it’s good she didn’t suffer for months but sudden goodbyes are hard in different ways on the people left behind - whilst you don’t have the exhaustion of the drawn out illness/bedside vigil and the stress of knowing they suffered, instead you’re in a land of unreality where you haven’t quite accepted your loved one has passed away and where you keep wishing you just had one more good hour together to talk and say goodbye.

I hope you eventually find peace through your grieving, remember to talk of her often with your kids 💐

Thank you both for lovely replies

Such a shock for you. How lucky you are to have had a lovely MIL like that. I’m sorry for your loss. I am certain she knew how much you lived her from her reaction to you. Big hugs.