Its dads funeral tomorrow and I cant grieve because Im still grieving for my son

[Goldenboysmum]

I've posted before about my boy Tony, Tony took his own life on 25/12/2020, he was only 27.

Dad died last month at the age of 88, he had a long and happy life, but he suffered terribly for the last few weeks. It was heart-breaking, traumatic and inhumane watching him knowing there was nothing i could do to help him.

Since dad died, I haven't cried, at first I felt relief, then sad, now nothing. I've been to see him, i thought the tears might come then, but no, nothing!

But, every single day I cry for my son, sometimes more than once,

Has anyone else felt like this, is it normal, am I normal, will I ever grieve or will I always feel like this, I loved my dad so much, why cant I grieve like I should be doing?

The pain caused by someone taking their own life is just a whole other level. My SIL died by suicide last year and it has ripped the family to shreds - her parents and siblings will never get over it and even as an in-law who wasn’t that close to her it’s been horrendous. A peaceful death of an elderly person at the end of an allotted lifetime doesn’t come close and I suspect you just have no spare capacity for grieving. Be kind to yourself, you process this however you need to. I’m sorry for both your losses.