Mum. One year on.

[TheThinWhiteDutchess]

A year ago tomorrow Mum died. She had idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis.

I've got the day off tomorrow and planning to do a few low key things with close family.

I was feeling OK until earlier when it just hit me. I feel very sad and teary and sort of annoyed by things. I've got the kids to get to bed and then ready for first day back at school after half term tomorrow and I just want to go to bed and have a little cry 😔

I've been doing really well until now so I'm glad I've got tomorrow off.

Just needed a little whinge!

I'm not sure how to feel really. I feel like I've been doing really well recently but now wondering if I've been running away from my feelings.

No, you haven't been running away from your feelings but grief is not linear and it will ebb and flow. I lost my mum 33 years ago when I was 20 and whilst I've obviously lived my life without her there are still moments when the grief feels totally raw. But those moments become less frequent as time goes on.

Thank you for replying. I feel almost like I've gone back 6 months.

I'm afraid that's normal. She was the only mum you'll ever have and she knew you all your life. You will miss her forever but it does become less intense. It's still early days.

I'm 11 weeks into loosing my mam on mother's Day. It really is so awful, I've lost people before but this is something else.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Like others have said totally normal and let your feelings ride, if you need to have a good cry definitely do.

From what I have read and talking to people who have lost their Mam, you are doing well and then it hits you again like a brick and then you pick up again. I'm dreading occasion it's my daughters birthday this week and I so miss the weeks long "what does she want" "any ideas what I should get her" from my Mam.

I get what you mean about the kids too. Sometimes I'll be sat thinking about her hearing her voice, peacefully and I'll her "Mmmmam" Which irritates me, I know they don't mean to but still!

I hope tomorrow goes okay and you can remember the happy times x

I'm only half way thru where you are. Each time a wave of grief hits me, it's a new sort of feeling. I hate it
I'm so sorry you are going through this too

Thank you all for replying. I guess I wanted someone to say "me too". I have lots of support but sometimes this all feels very personal, which is normal I suppose as everyone's grief journey is slightly different.

This morning I was thinking how much I've changed since last year. I almost feel like a different person in some ways, mostly better I think.

I feel like I've been so busy recently that a day to sit with my feelings will be nice.

I'm so sorry for all your losses. I really hope you find some comfort. Its so hard some days.

I know a lot of people will think of you on anniversary's , birthdays , first Christmas etc but for me the most horrible days are all of the totally normal , run of the mill days. Where I go to call or text mum to tell her about something dull or mundane. Something that I wanted to share with her to make her laugh, or have a moan about together. It's those' in between ' days that are gut wrenching for me.

@TheThinWhiteDutchess I'm in a similar position to you but about two months behind.

I lost my mum 33 years ago when I was 20 and whilst I've obviously lived my life without her there are still moments when the grief feels totally raw. But those moments become less frequent as time goes on.

@TwigTheWonderKid this is what I fear. I still feel like this a lot of the time. I udnerstand what people say about it getting better with time. I am better now than I was 6 months ago but I still feel devastated and raw and like shit a lot of the time. basically I don't want to live like this. I don't want a life without my lovely mother. I don't want to live 10 or 20 or 30 or 40 years without her. I miss her so much it really hurts when I think about it.

I can feel myself getting more upset as I move towards a year. I can't believe that I've survived a whole year and it's nearly a whole year since I've seeen her and that I'll never see her again.

I suppose most people survive and find a new way given the streets outside the crematorium aren't littered with suicide victims but I often feel like I don't want to go on.

@TheThinWhiteDutchess I feel your pain too and condolences to everyone who has lost a mother.

I lost my Dad in October 2022 and had an extremely emotional day yesterday, out of the blue from no where.

I agree with alot of what has been said here. Even though its been a while, I still can't believe my wonderful Dad is gone. I am filled with intense jealousy of others still with parents- and especially those much older than me ie my bosses at work who still have parents! in the meantime I am 28 losing my 60 year old Dad.

30 years on here too. I think the thing that helped me was the realisation and acceptance that a loss this profound was not something I was ever going to "get over". It was just going to become part of the fabric, if that makes sense. And there are still moments where it feels very acute. And that's ok. And you will be ok, but don't feel pressure to be ok on anyone else's schedule.

@TheThinWhiteDutchess apologies if this is out of line in this thread but my dad was just diagnosed with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis - which was the first time I'd ever heard of it. If you feel up to it would you know of any good resources? I'm at a bit of a loss to understand (and he lives in the states so I can't just swing by to check in every weekend).

Hi, sorry for the slow reply but there is a Facebook group that is very very supportive and helpful (pulmonary fibrosis uk).
It was the time I had heard of it too, and it seems that everyone has a different experience with it.

I'm so sorry about your dad, how is he doing currently? The charity Action for pulmonary fibrosis is very good too.

@TheThinWhiteDutchess thank you for the resources. He is in good spirits but he has always been very active and it's a difficult adjustment.