Heartbroken

[Scoose]

On Tuesday i lost my wonderful husband suddenly and unexpectedly at home. He had just turned 50. I dont know how I'm going to get through without him. He was my protector for 19 years from when i met him when i was 22. How can i bring up our dd on my own shes only 12 she needs her daddy. She has autism and cant process it and doesn't understand he cant come back. She found him which kills me and i know he would be heartbroken to know that. He was an amazing husband, daddy, son and friend. I feel like I will never smile or be happy again. I feel angry, shocked and overwhelmed. I want to scream why my husband its not fair he was the best of people. Please someone tell me it will get easier and i wont always feel this complete despair

No advice but just wanted to say I am so so sorry and wish you and your daughter all the love in the world xxx

I am so very sorry for your loss.

As well as grief, I’m sure you will be in shock given how suddenly your life has been torn apart.

There are no words that can help, for now all you can do is take it hour by hour, or minute by minute when that feels too hard. There are services that can help you and your daughter if and when you’re ready, this is too much to deal with by yourself.

Try to eat and rest when you can, and lean on those around you for support. The grief will never leave you, but eventually you will not find it quite so raw and painful. I went through similar 14 years ago and the waves of pain, anger and loss gradually get further apart and allow you to breathe between them.

I’m keeping you in my thoughts x

You will smile again, the pain doesn't go away as such but your life builds around it. Right now it is very raw and brittle but you do get through it and it isn't always at the front and centre of everything you do. There is always someone here to listen

So sorry OP. I lost my DH a few years ago aged 52. It’s hard, very hard, but it will get a little bit easier eventually.

Sorry to read this. I lost my dad when I was a little bit older than your DD. It's a difficult time for both of you but you will be able to comfort each other.

You both need time to process the huge loss.
Do you have any other family who can help out? Cooking? Day to day stuff?

Thank you everyone, i want to scream. I hate waking up without him. He is everything to us and now I'm empty. I miss everything

I am so so sorry. Do you have family around that can support you? Close friends? At times like these you will be surprised who turns up to help.

My DF died suddenly aged 47 on my 25th birthday leaving his wife with 4 DC aged 4-13. It was just awful. For my lovely step mum the first couple of years were about just keeping going. Her DF sorted out her finances and her DM took over cooking. Her work were fantastic and understood that some days, early on, she just couldn't go in.

You need to keep going for your DD. Take time and accept help offered.

OP,

I just read this and I am so sorry for you and your DD. I know your sorrow is beyond words.

It has been over six months now since we lost my beloved baby brother in a shocking accident, in his prime. I had helped bring him up and it was a bit like losing a child.

Life is not quite as awful as it was at first. You don’t forget. You won’t forget. You do start to mend. Sometimes a smile rather than a tear comes when you think of them. The tears haven’t stopped and I doubt they will. The smiles are becoming more plentiful.

I’ve been told that the grief is always there but we grow around it, and that at first grief is like carrying a heavy backpack. Gradually the backpack gets lighter, but it will always be there. I think these are both valid. I hope the day is coming when memories can bring you some smiles. Hugs and best wishes

@anothergrievingsister mine was my little brother also, an awful accident in his prime of life. Like you, I helped bring him up and relate to everything you are saying.

I’m so very sorry for your loss, and hope the path ahead gets a little easier to walk each day x

@YoSof your posts are so generous. Thank you very, very much for responding to mine.

It appears that you lost your beloved younger brother 14 years ago, is that right? I cannot imagine 13.5 more years without my DB, in spite of all that is good about my life. And in spite of the fact that, as you put it and I understand very well, I can mostly breathe now, and even occasionally (but not often) smile before tearing up when I think of him.

If I may ask, how have you coped? I look back at my reply to OP and while I stand by it intellectually, at the moment it feels both glib and useless. I miss DB so much right now.

Today we found out how my wonderful husband was taken from us. A pulmonary embolism at least we know he didnt suffer and we can start to make arrangements. We miss him so much he truly was the best person and the outpouring of support is testament to that. Hearing everyone say he was the nicest, kindest most genuine man brings comfort. Im really not coping well how can i be strong for our girl when i cant be strong for myself my heart is broken

Honestly? I don’t know how I’ve coped. He was 19 when he died and I am very conscious that before long, he will have been gone for longer than we had him if that makes sense.

I think the first few years I just shut down - your brain has a way of trying to protect you almost, and it was too much to process so I just lived in autopilot and really felt numb inside for a long time.

I tried to look after my parents as much as possible, and in hindsight I think I should have looked after me a bit more. I had some trauma therapy last year because it all got a bit too much - day to day I can function and in a lot of ways I’m happy - I have two amazing children - but everything is slightly tinged with sadness. I just miss him. He has missed out on so much, and our worlds would be infinitely better with him in them. I am grateful for what I have, and try really hard to count my blessings and do him proud, but even now some days feel unbearable. Those days do get further apart with time though.

I am conscious that I may be derailing the OP’s thread, so please feel free to DM me if you would like to x

OP I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband died suddenly earlier in the year at a similar age to yours, we also have a DC a similar age.

I would strongly recommend you join WAY Widowed and Young, it's only £25 membership and everyone on there is very supportive, it's good to be in touch with people who 'get it', as losing a spouse is quite different from other losses (to be clear, I'm saying different, not worse).

It is a truly terrible thing to be going through and there is nothing I can say that will ease your sense of loss. Try and take each day as it comes.

Op I am so sorry for your loss xx

Oh Scoose. You know me from back in the day on here. I'm so so sorry xxxx

Thank you i still feel like its a nightmare we are going to wake up from it shouldn't be happening he should be here. We were so happy for so many years and now i just feel so lost and lonely.

I’m so so sorry for your loss op, and your daughter too. Your husband sounded like a lovely man, husband and father my thoughts are with you.

Thank you he really was we were so lucky to have him we were such a happy little family