DD and I are moving house next week. We moved here with my DP, her daddy, when she was a baby. We were very excited to be moving to a new area and it was our dream family home. We had so many plans for our future.
Not long after we moved here DP begun having random health problems and was later diagnosed with a brain tumour which became totally debilitating. Over the next three years, I was his carer, the breadwinner and parented on my own.
They were bleak times and this house often felt like a prison, quite literally during lockdown and even in the aftermath with the chronic lack of carers to help and especially since our living room turned more into a hospital than a home with DP's bed and equipment in there.
Brain tumours are so cruel and I lost my partner more and more whilst he was still alive. He died 8 months ago.
I've been feeling really positive about this move. It was driven mainly by financial reasons, but it felt right, I've been feeling much stronger recently - until today.
Today I'm heartbroken all over again by what we've all been though and all the losses: my DP and my DD's daddy, the plans and dreams we had, the things that should have been, what his illness did to him and to us. Today I can't stop crying.
I know this is grief's way. I know it will pass and tomorrow is another day, that it will subside (until the next time it decides to sneak up on me again) but these days are so bloody hard.
Writing it is cathartic.
Hugs to anyone else who is having a hard day.