Where to start with funeral directors

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My mum died two days ago.

I have a list of the local funeral directors, but I’m not sure whether we can just turn up or need to make an appointment first? We want to talk to a few of them before deciding who to use but I don’t know what the etiquette is.

Phone for an appointment

Give them a number of them a call, have a chat, see what feels right for you. Ask for a quote and when you find one that feels right make an appointment to go in and make the arrangements. Funeral directors are lovely people and will guide you through the process with great care.

I'm sorry for your loss

I would phone them today and ask them.

They are used to responding quickly, of course.

See if anyone can recommend one that's local to you. The sooner you get one the better as they will totally guide you through the process and what needs doing.

When Mum died we asked a local friend who works in a care home. She said the three in town were all equally caring but the one she recommended was more affordable price wise.

We had to choose quickly because Mum died at home.

I am so sorry for your loss.

They are very kind, and very used to people newly bereaved, they'll walk you through everything.

Phone for an appointment, you can just ask for the costs as you want to compare quotes, theyll be used to this, itll be helpful if you have an idea of whether you want burial or cremation,funeral cars and whether you want them to organise the order of service or flowers.

Have a big glass of water and tissues on stand by, I found my throat kept closing up/drying up when I tried to speak.

Thank you.

I'm so sorry xxxxx

I'm so sorry
Phone a few and arrange an appointment. They are very kind in my experience
The main questions I got asked at first where what sort of budget, burial or cremation and if you want them to organise the service or flowers to/ if the ceremony will be religious

Phone, they have a 24 on call system normally. They will give you an appointment to come in later in the week. My advice is to go with an independent family firm, not one part of a chain. (I work in a related field, I know the pitfalls)

Ps do think through what you would like before you go into the shop, there's lots of options but most really are just those options and not essential

So sorry for your loss OP, losing a parent is never easy...I lost my mum at Christmas so understand exactly where you are right now.

As a Celebrant, I work with FDs all the time and can confirm that many of them are indeed very caring. I can also say (from years of experience) that some are not so caring and may try to push you into buying something that you really don't want (or need) due to their own profit making. They will 'upsell'...so do be careful.

By law, all FDs have to have their pricing schedule on their website. Check and compare these first. Then read any independent reviews (not the ones they put on their website...check out their Google reviews).

Personally, I would choose an independent FD over one associated to the big chains (ie CoOp or Dignity) as the independent firms are often more personal and (whilst still a business) will put 'you' above their targets.

As someone has already said...try to visit in person if you can, as you'll get a feel for how they run their business.

This is the last thing you'll do for your mum...it's a daunting job but one that's worth investing in. If you're in/near Lincolnshire I'd be happy to recommend local FDs.

Take care OP xx

Sorry to hear about your mum. Did she have a policy or pre paid thing with any of them? Because if so, you start there.

We had an alternative FD do my mum's funeral it was lovely (as far as these things can be lovely). Very different to the black limo and too hat offerings of the co-op.

I’m sorry for your loss. If you can get a local recommendation from friend or a care home that’s always a good shout and generally asking about costs and also availability is a good idea. We made mistake of choosing one quickly as care home wanted body taken away ASAP and then it turned out they had a long backlog which was difficult.

We have always had lovely service from the Co-op funeral care people. I would use them in my area but I guess they might be different in another area.

I'm so sorry for your loss

I’m not sure whether we can just turn up or need to make an appointment first

Generally speaking, I wouldn't ever 'just turn up' somewhere and expect that there would be someone available to speak to me.

Always much, much better to ring and make an appointment.

When DM died, the funeral directors were perfectly happy to visit us at home rather than have us come to them. A sympathetic person can make such a difference to how you get through everything that needs to be done.

I’m sorry for your loss. Was she in a church? Along with notifying my next of kin’s priest I asked him if he could recommend a funeral directors. I took it from there and agree with what pp have said about them being very kind.
You won’t be able to plan anything concretely until you have the death certificate but you can pencil in dates and venues now

I agree with asking her church if she was a member. They will know who to deal with and who if any, to avoid. There is a very large family firm my area that my church will recommend. And they are excellent.

Thank you. No churches or pre-paid policies & we’re not in Lincolnshire but we’ve had a couple of recommendations. I’m comparing them online now & I’ll phone them tomorrow.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. This is such an awful time, especially when there's so much to organise. When my mum died, we went on personal recommendation. Two friends who'd lost someone recommended the same place as they felt they'd been treated kindly and the pricing was really fair. If you're not able to get personal recommendation then it's definitely worth having a look at the FDs Facebook page and seeing if they have any reviews.

Personally I'd be more inclined to go with a smaller, family-run type business rather than one of the national chains, but obviously you've got to go with whatever feels right to you. The good news is (if there can be any good news in this) is that a good FD will guide you through everything you need to know and that should relieve a little of the stress.

Where I live the council has a preferred FD, I found the details on the council website under Bereavement I think. They were very good, a local company and give a discount to ratepayers.

They will be open today. Or at least have staff on duty. So you can call today if you want to

I'm so very sorry for your loss.
When my dad died in January, my brother and I visited our local funeral home without an appointment, although it's probably best to call and book ahead just in case they're with someone when you go.
Once there, they talked us through all the options, prices, arrangements we would need and what part of all of that they could help with. Before going there we had no idea what we'd need to do but they helped us with everything.
Once you see them, you'll have a much better idea of what plans will need to be put in place so don't worry about doing too much research now if it's stressful, they'll help...x

We’ve booked an appointment today. Thanks everyone.

I felt that things felt a little less scary once if spoken to the funeral director (my dad had paid for his own funeral, well at least the basics). They were very gentle and helpful.