My colleague has died, unexpectedly

[Sapphire387]

Hi all,

We're a small, close-knit team at work (about ten of us) and sadly, one of our colleagues passed away a couple of weeks ago. He was only 27 and had an unexpected cardiac arrest (not at work), and it was so shocking and awful. It feels so unfair, he was such a wonderful person. We miss him. He should have had so much life left to live, he was just so young.

I will talk to my colleagues about this particular question, and we do have an employee assistance programme too but... aside from his loss, we are facing having to explain to people he worked with (external contacts on our projects, I mean). Obviously we are sharing out his work amongst us, I think we will reshuffle a bit as no one can bear to think of directly replacing him, and fortunately this is something we can do fairly easily.

But it's having those conversations. Has anyone been in this position? There is part of me that just doesn't want to tell people that he has died, but that feels dishonest, and what would I say, just that he's no longer working on the project? But somehow that feels dishonest and wrong, to him as well as them. I am also mindful that the news is going to be upsetting to some of those who knew him quite well.

This probably sounds like a small issue in the scheme of the loss, and an odd thing to focus on... it just crystallises the whole thing, and I'm finding it really hard on top of dealing with my emotions to do with his untimely death.

Anyone with experience, would you mind sharing - how was this handled in your organisation? Or how did you yourself manage those conversations?

yeah, when I was young, someone (colleague) found dead in a public place, probably had an undiagnosed heart issue.

Just be open and factual. Don't make it hyper-private.

Our company sent an email out which stopped any questions.

Sadly yes, as a HR professional it’s a part of the job.

Be kind to yourselves, is the first thing I would say. If a carefully crafted email feels more comfortable then do it that way. Explain that it’s a big shock for the team and ask that they be mindful of the impact of this on you as colleagues. They’ll understand.

EAP schemes will often send counsellors in these situations to support the team on the ground. It can be very helpful.

Agree on the email sent to clients/external they worked closely to. This was done by a company we work with closely when one of their staff members died unexpectedly. They also included the charity the family was asking for donations

Sorry for your loss.

We would share a company wide announcement and probably the manager would email clients / other business who they had direct contact with and tell them the sad news.

I have no idea at all if this is appropriate (HR may be able to advise). But can your lead officer send out an email and bcc in external contacts along the lines of,

"We regret to inform you that xxxx has passed away suddenly at the age of 27. We are dealing with this loss as a team and we will miss him terribly.

We understand that many of you will have worked with xx closely over the years and we are sorry to have to share this sad news. For outstanding work queries please contact xxxx and colleagues will be in contact about ongoing projects".

I would be tempted to send a short personal email to the people you know he worked with directly and who are likely to notice and ask after him if someone else just takes over and say I'm sorry to have to share the sad and tragic news that colleague's name has passed away suddenly and unexpectedly on the 20 somethingth of April 2023 aged 27. This is a great shock and sad loss to colleague's family, friends and colleagues and we are deeply saddened to lose him. Our team are taking on colleague's projects to minimise any disruption, we hope you understand there may be a delay in progress while we do this. We will be in touch in due course to discuss x project and please let us know if you have any questions in the meantime. Thank you in advance for your understanding at this difficult time. Kind regards, colleague's co worker or manager.

Please send an email. I didn't find out that a lovely colleague I had been close to had died for months because his team kept it to themselves, and missed the chance to go to n the funeral. You don't know what friendships and networks he had so best to communicate it widely rather than wait for them to find out on the grapevine

I'd second @EauNeu , I found out a colleague who I'd shared fag and crossword breaks with for several years had died suddenly only because a new starter on his team who I am friends with outside work and had talked about him with her when she was applying, let me know. There was never a wider email to pick up those outside his department.

I did get to join her team's remembrance drinks, but many won't have had the chance.

My firm sent an email and arranged for whole company to go for drinks to celebrate life of the deceased. Was great as it was very cathartic.

Later her parents and sister came to the office and met people she had worked with which really helped them. I keep in touch and it's 5 years now.

I agree with everyone else. Please tell them. I came back from mat leave and an email went round that mentioned a colleague I used to share an office with had won an award. I tried to email her but it bounced back. I googled and found out she’d died the year before. It was such a horrible shock I still can’t fathom why no one contacted me to let me know.

I’m sorry you have lost a colleague -it’s very shocking.
You really must tell people.

I can hardly say how appalled I would be to get “he’s on a new project” for someone that died.

Ideally there should be a call to his close contacts (people he’s had meetings with in the last couple of weeks), and an email.

Unless you hear otherwise there should also be representatives from work at the funeral.

"We regret to inform you that xxxx has passed away suddenly at the age of 27. We are dealing with this loss as a team and we will miss him terribly.

We understand that many of you will have worked with xx closely over the years and we are sorry to have to share this sad news. For outstanding work queries please contact xxxx and colleagues will be in contact about ongoing projects".

This.
Depends on the relationship people are likely to have had with him, and the family's wishes, it might also be appropriate to mention something about funeral arrangements and / or where any donations that people might like to give could be sent to. This might not be appropriate in some work / client relationships, but in others, it might. I have people that I have had 'work relationships' with (employed by different people, but we have known each other for a long time) for almost 15 years, and, if I were able, I would want to be able to send a card and donation in their memory, and, in one or two cases, go to their funerals if possible.

Excellent suggestions here.

It's a difficult situation to navigate, and sorry for your loss.

Definitely tell them. If he worked closely with some they would want to know and it will help those of you taking over his work to be open.

An email and if there are any ongoing customers he was close to id let them know by phone.

A colleague of mine died young of an illness. We did an email to clients, hosted drinks to commemorate him and also put a bench in our outside space with his name on it. We also did some fundraising for an organisation that his family started to support after his death.

Sorry for your loss. When you see someone nearly every day, it's bound to have quite an impact.

Many years ago someone I worked with, but different company, died in an accident which was headline news (many people died). The other company sent out letters - before emails were common - just stating they had died, who to contact from now on and asking for patience with colleagues who were grieving.

It meant we were all aware and there was no awkwardness.

Hello, I am sorry about your colleague and hope that the EAP helps.

I have had to announce several colleague deaths (I am in HR). We composed an email to external contacts explaining the situation in brief and asking for their patience and understanding while we support the colleagues affected by the news and consider the work impacts. We have never had anything other than supportive and kind messages back.

It is a horrible thing to have to deal with and my advice is to keep it simple for now, just announce it to the essential people and highlight the EAP support. Peer support is also invaluable but do keep an eye on the people who always prop up and support others, and check they are not having to deal with it all.

Thank you all ever so much for your kind and helpful advice.