Where is he?

[Yoyoyo1]

How can someone so important just disappear?
Where is my dad?
I miss him
What's the point?
6 weeks without him
Where is he?
I need him?
I love him?
How come he doesn't get to stay?
Where has his smile gone?
His knowledge?
His love?
We need him here
Why didn't I spend every minute with him?
Why did I cancel our coffee meetup?
Where has he gone?
I want him back now.

So sorry OP 😔💗

He is still with you. Calm your thoughts and you'll feel him in your heart.

I want him so much it hurts.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. X

I want to hear him laugh again.

I want to stop crying

I've lost both parents in the last 3 years. I'm sad but what helps hugely is to remember that they are both still here 'in' me and my siblings. Their legacy is everything we are. I also know that a parent's love is string enough to last you your whole life even if they're not actually physically here. I'm sorry for your loss and what you're feeling is natural. But it might help to think of all the traits and passions ge has left behind in you - that's his love still burning even after he's gone.

He's still here all around you in the people that loved him, and he will always be with you in that way. Hang in there, it will get easier, these waves that are constantly flooring you now will become smaller and further apart.
He would want you to think of him and smile. Imagine his arm around you and what he would say to you right now.

He is still here - I lost my OH a few years ago, and I just keep reminding myself that every single interaction with him over the years we were together has changed who I am at a very basic level; it has changed who our children are - they will always be a part of him and he of them.

It is hard - very hard - I know this. But no-one goes through this world without sharing who they are with others - and those others are then different people for all they shared.

Don't try to stop the waves of grief - let then come; and recognise them as your tribute to how much you cared for him.

I found comfort in recognising that death is part of life's pattern and part of the natural order of things - he has shared his love and that lives on in you and all whose lives were touched by him. Nothing - absolutely nothing - can take that away from you ever. x

I completely understand what you mean. My dad died in 2019 and I just couldn't understand where he was. I mean I knew he had died and was at the funeral home / or cremated but I couldn't understand how his glasses, his watch, his crossword book, his coat, his shoes were sitting were they were meant to be sitting but he was not there.
I mean it was like these items should not have been there if he wasn't.
I would sit in 'his' chair and wait for him to appear wanting his chair back but it never happened.
I would look in his wardrobe and expect him to go 'Oy what are you doing in there' but nothing happened.
It was utterly surreal.
His dressing gown was hanging on the end of his wardrobe and each time I saw it I would think he was 'back' because well... it's his dressing gown. I could see him wearing it, fresh out of the bathroom, with his silver hair freshly washed.
It seemed shocking that the dressing gown was still there, hanging, waiting to be used but he was dead, gone, never to wear the stupid thing again.

I still to this day can't quite believe he is 'gone' and the world is carrying on like he never happened. I think to a degree I still expect him to just pop up again one day and then I'll go 'flippin heck dad where have you been for the last 4 years' even though I know he won't I still kind of expect it.

Maybe the feeling never goes away.

Sorry for your loss x

I’m so sorry to hear this and I felt, and still do to some degree, this very same thing when my dad passed so suddenly 5 years ago. It was a complete shock and I re-live the moment time and time again. But and this is a big BUT, he wouldn’t want me to grieve so bad that it affects my life, my children, my family. He would want me to continue to do the best I can and to hold his memory forever in my mind and heart. We will meet again, that’s my view anyway.
It’s very early days for you and you are still grieving deeply. There is nothing wrong with that at all and we all grieve in different ways. I’m sending you huge hugs and my thoughts are with you at this very difficult time. Xxxx❤️

(((HUG)))

I don't have any answers, but you're not alone in your feelings xx

I know. What I wouldn't give to hear his voice. Some of his students sent us a video of him giving a lecture or something a few years after he died, it was so bizarre to see him alive again, sounds stupid really but it made everything so much worse. I kept taking at the video so that I could pretend we were having a conversation.

He lives on in you. All the knowledge he imparted. All the memories you have of him that have shaped you as a person. You're his legacy.

Thank you x

I could've written this too. Dad died 3 weeks ago and we bury him next Tuesday. I look at his photo and think where have you gone? I wish I was religious like my parents but I just keep looking for signs and I can't see him anywhere 💔

A lovely colleague who lost her Dad a few years ago sent me a message saying all we can be grateful for is the love, guidance and support we had when they were with us. Maybe one day I'll feel like this but this. My very last words were when he came back from theatre and I said Dad open your eyes, look we are all here - me, Mum the lads and we love you. He whispered I know.

I hope he did x

I’m so sorry for your loss.

It’s coming up two years since I lost my dad. He’d been on end of life care throughout the pandemic and it was absolutely his time but it was still a shock and it hasn’t made it much easier to come to terms with.

But I feel his presence every time I see something in TV he would have liked, or hear one of his favourite songs. When I walk up the footpath to the Downs like we used to when I was kid. When I do something stupid and can ‘hear’ him telling me to ‘straighten up and fly right’.

He was a lefty republican but always said we did ceremony like no other country. He have spent weeks bitching about the cost of the Coronation, then sat watching it tears his in eyes if he’d still been here.

When I think of him now, I think of the first line of the poem by e e cummings…”I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart…”

Take care of yourself x

Massive hugs to you OP. I remember when I'd just lost a parent and other members of my family would say they could feel her presence, that she was still around in us and in nature, and I wanted to scream at them because living on in us is not the same, and I wanted HER, not some poetic, philosophical version of what she might be now. So it's okay to feel like that too. X

He is part of you. He created you. People live on in your memories. He will never be gone as long as you remember him xx

When do the tears stop?

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message 'He is Dead'.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good

I often asked ‘where are you?’ In the weeks and months after my parents died. I asked it out loud in empty rooms and wailed it on hilltops. It feels so impossible to adjust to the world without our loved one in it. But adjust we do, bit by bit. You’re in the thick of it OP, wading through treacle. Take really good care of yourself and allow yourself to feel it all, as painful as that is. I’m 10 years on from where you are and I’m ok. My grief is still there; it is a part of who I am now. But I can live and smile and laugh and go on. You will too.

Here is the lovely Richard E Grant articulating this most painful of grief cries. https://twitter.com/richardegrant/status/1623816704408133639?s=46&t=QBpg1AJ0d-ueio2K7yBidA

Oh gosh yes. ‘Their memories live on’. ‘The essence of who they were is still with you’.

No. I want to see them and hear them and hug them. Their physical presence in the here and now.

I lost my Dad in January.

It's utterly crap.