No idea why I’m posting…

[Awakeandabroad]

I’ve name changed for obvious reasons.

I’m on holiday abroad and a couple of hours ago received a call from my sibling to say their spouse has had a catastrophic brain bleed after falling and it’s a matter of time, hours.

Tragic, yes, but all I can feel is anger…the spouse is a non functioning alcoholic and has been for some years.

We’ve known death as a result of the alcoholism would happen, probably before this year was out, they have end stage liver disease and multiple other alcohol related ailments, but none of us saw this coming as a result of a fall.

I know addiction is complex and there is usually some trauma at the root of it….

I feel so angry that my sibling tolerated, and to some degree, enabled the heavy drinking through their entire relationship and marriage….I’m angry that this means their child will lose a parent whilst still in their teens…I’m really fucking angry that I’m having to cut my holiday short because of him…I’ve already changed flights and am flying home tomorrow…there’s no way I’d not do this for my sibling, as it’s them I’m worried about and need to support…

No I’ve not slept…the call came at 02:30 UK time, and I’m having to wait till a decent enough time to call my 20 year old child to ask them to see to my sibling’s dog before they go to work…in a new job they started yesterday, so really can’t be late…

The selfish bastard has had nothing but a negative impact on all our lives for over 20 years…my kids don’t even like them due to their behaviour all my kids’ lives

fuck fuck fuck

Sorry OP that's so tough. Your feelings are valid. Alcoholism is terrible for everyone around. I hope your sibling is ok eventually

I'm sorry. That's a totally shit situation all round. You are a good sister and doing the right thing for her.

Things can start to mend from here, hopefully.

Drink some herbal tea, eat. Look after yourself. And allow yourself to let out the valid feelings that you have.

X

Thank you for your messages…they’re still hanging on…is it wrong to just want it to be over quickly? It’s not that I want them dead, this hanging on and hanging on is soul sapping for everyone

No it isn't wrong to want it to be over with quickly and it isn't wrong to be angry. I hope you can look after you too with all the crap going on because it's hard to take care of ourselves sometimes.

at the airport now…they’re still hanging on so will go to the hospital on the way home from the airport. My poor sister and niece are about broken 😞

He died peacefully this morning. So glad I came back early

I am so glad you got to be where you wanted to be to support your sister and niece, sending you all love and strength

@bloodywhitecat thank you, that’s really kind

Xx

I am glad you made it back to be with your sister.
I fully understand the anger and it is valid.
I lost my Dad to cancer related to alcoholism in 2021.
Even though I fully understand the circumstances that caused him to start drinking (loss of my brother) I was still massively angry at him that I was not enough for him to stop, that my daughter who he was very close to was not enough either.
It ruined our relationship growing up but he turned it round with my daughter but even that was not enough for him to stop.
The last weeks were awful. I was relieved when it was over

It is tough

I suspect your sister and niece will feel similar.
Sending all of you so much love.

So sorry to hear of your family tragedy. Your feelings are valid, and you are doing your best to be a loving sister. Sending you hugs OP 🌺

Have been through this a few times with family and friends.

Your feelings are valid and the anger really relates to the frustration and despair of witnessing the pain endured by your DS and her family.

You don’t need to express it - but can redirect that energy as support for your DSis.

Also my personal experience is that after the first few days and weeks this type of death is a relief and a release for the family. They have already grieved the person he was or could have been during his life - they will not grieve or miss the addict they became.

All of this was unsaid - but sensed and grief was not as prolonged or deep as expected.

Just pace yourself in these early weeks and months and look to a better future shared with your DSis.

Thank you all very much for your kindness, amd your understanding of how I feel and why I feel it