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Original poster

Mum is at ‘end of life’

14 replies

Feelingsurreal · 09/05/2023 08:36

I’m sitting by her hospital bed and don’t know if she will wake up. It could be hours, or days. I’ve read threads before like and thought I could do with the distraction. I don’t know what to do. I can’t do anything. She is deeply asleep now (of course, it is only 8.30am and so perhaps she didn’t sleep well and hence still asleep). What happens next? Her breathing is very loud.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 09/05/2023 08:39

Firstly I’m very sorry
it’s a hard thing to go through - is she at home or hospital?
i was with my grandmother when she died - her breathing changed and eventually there was longer and longer between breaths until she took her last one
it was very peaceful the whole way through
sit with your mum, hold her hand, read or talk to her
she’ll feel your presence
does she like music? Maybe play some for her
you will also need to take breaks and walk / get a drink etc

dontmakefun · 09/05/2023 08:42

I just wanted to say that, my sister is an intensive care nurse, and she told me that a patient's last sense to go is their hearing.

Therefore, keep taking to her as she will probably continue to her you.

Sending love!

Original poster
Feelingsurreal · 09/05/2023 08:43

Thank you for replying. She’s in hospital, and we were hoping to take her home today as her wish was to die at home but now we aren’t sure she is well enough to be moved as her organs are deteriorating. I’m waiting to speak to the doctor to know what’s happening to make a decision on telling my bro to come now and help me get her in the ambulance, or telling him to go and collect my dad because she won’t be coming home today. Every minute is like an hour and the wall clock is ticking so loud! I’m not sure if she’s asleep as in, from last night still, in which case I want her to sleep, or semi conscious, as in I would chat and hold hand. I did that when I got here and she seemed pretty asleep so am waiting a little while..

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelingsurreal · 09/05/2023 08:44

I am so eternally grateful that she is not in pain nor on painkillers but I can’t get my head around the rapid decline in the past 10 days

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 09/05/2023 08:50

Feelingsurreal · 09/05/2023 08:44

I am so eternally grateful that she is not in pain nor on painkillers but I can’t get my head around the rapid decline in the past 10 days

That’s really hard to manage - if it’s been quick
if her pain is controlled that’s really important
be guided by the doctors and it sounds like there’s other family who can be around so share that between you all

fancyfrogs · 09/05/2023 08:51

Sorry you're going through this. They do say that hearing is one of the last things to go so definitely keep talking, singing, playing music or things like that. The unknown and the waiting is the hardest part I think, do make sure you keep popping out for air/toilet/a drink etc to keep yourself well. Thinking of you x

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 09/05/2023 09:21

Sorry to hear this. Just to say, please don’t feel bad about her not dying at home, if she doesn’t. Most of us think that that is what we want but, in reality, sometimes symptoms are better managed in hospital- it’s a very individual thing that none of us can anticipate in advance of actually dying. It sounds as if she is comfortable and that - plus the fact you are with her - is what is important.

Thinking of you, OP - look after yourself.

YellowMonday · 09/05/2023 09:36

My mum had a terminal illness, but died unexpectedly at work. My biggest regret is not being able to have a final conversation with her, and thank her for being the best mum to me.

Anything you have to say, say it now. And when you're ready, let her know you'll be ok, and it's ok to go.

Pegsmum · 09/05/2023 09:47

I was in your shoes last year, my mum never wanted to die in hospital but unfortunately she did. I talked to the doctor about taking her home but she died before anything was put into place and that is a major regret of mine.
Just keep talking to her, comb her hair and put cream on her lips. my mum spent a couple of days asleep but then woke and was quite lucid for a while, I think this can be quite common.
And as a PP said, tell her it’s ok to go.
I’ll be thinking of you.

LawksaMercyMissus · 09/05/2023 10:15

DH died in hospital after two weeks gradual decline. I never heard him speak during that time but he rallied the day before and told the nurse she had beautiful eyes. As you say, his breathing was very loud then he just faded away.

SquaresandStarlings · 09/05/2023 13:01

I'm so sorry OP - I lost both my parents last year.

Keep talking to her. My father slipped into unconsciousness for a couple of days before he passed away, and the end-of-life nurse who attended (at home) said to keep talking to him as he would be able to hear.

Sending you a big virtual hug...

Original poster
Feelingsurreal · 10/05/2023 04:40

Thank you for keeping me company yesterday. My wonderful Mum passed away in the morning yesterday (that’s why I disappeared. Your messages were all a great comfort to me. Thank you

OP posts:
Pegsmum · 10/05/2023 06:32

I’m sorry for your loss, may your mum rest in peace. Be gentle to yourself 💐

rubyslippers · 10/05/2023 08:29

Feelingsurreal · 10/05/2023 04:40

Thank you for keeping me company yesterday. My wonderful Mum passed away in the morning yesterday (that’s why I disappeared. Your messages were all a great comfort to me. Thank you

Am so very sorry for your loss 💐

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