Any advice? A friends husband just died from heart failure

[Lorien]

I was just wondering if any wise mumsnetters have some advice for me?
I am British and live in Malaysia, and have a Malaysian friend who moved to England 4 months ago with her husband's job. All the family was really excited to go, and settled in well to their new lives. And then on Monday, the husband had a heart attack and died.
I'd really appreciate some advice on what to do to help my friend. What can I do that might be of some comfort, especially from this distance?
Many thanks for your help, Lorien

How awful

Has your friend got any other friends/family in the UK?

Thanks for your speedy response! They have no family in the UK, and no long-term friends, although I think the husband's company is doing all they can to help from a practical point of view.

My heart absolutely goes out to your friend - how awful to be so far away from family and friends when something like this happens. Can you point her towards mumsnet? She would get lots of support here, and that might help a little bit?

how sad.

May not be possible, but do your family live near by to provide some local support?

Spacedonkey, that is a good idea -- thanks for thinking of that. My mind is quite blank about what to do. I was thinking of sending my sister round (they live in Slough and my sister is in SE London) but they might not want any extra people they don't know at such a horrid time.

I am guessing the company will fly them all back to Malaysia fairly promptly?

Lorien, she probably won't want any strangers around at the moment, but could your sister take around a cooked meal? Does your friend have children? If so, how old? Could your sister take them off her hands for a while?

I lost my husband suddenly too, and I also live in a different country. Thankfully I had my dad staying with us at the time, as well as my husband's family and many friends were around.

From where you are there isn't much you can do except emails and phone calls (if you get the impression she feels like talking - she might not).

Did you know her husband? I found it extremely comforting (and still do) when people would talk about him and tell stories about him and what a great guy he was, as opposed to not wanting to mention his name in case it upset me. So tell her how great he was and how much he loved her.

My thoughts are with her, and you.

Many thanks for your replies. And Kate, thanks for your excellent advice -- I remember your posts about your husband's death, and its very sustaining to hear a voice of experience. Especially, thanks so much for pointing out how important it is to remember my friend's husband and talk to her about him. I think my initial reaction is to join the don't-mention-it-she might-get-upset camp.

As for the children, they are quite grown up (11 and 15) so I think they will want to be with their mother rather than with people they don't know. But food is a good option. Maybe I can find a Malaysian restaurant in Slough that will deliver to them.

Yes, you're right. I'm sure they will want to be with their mother. I was thinking that if they were really little it would be a help to the mother to have some free time, but at that age it's probably a comfort having them around.

Lorien, just wondering how your friend is doing?

Sorry to hear that. the best advise i can give you, is just be there for her no matter what time of the day. If she needs to talk then listen. Thats all you can really do for her. xx ((((HUGS))))