Hi
My dad died very suddenly when I was a child and I really don't think I ever came to terms with it or grieved at all. I missed him and knew it was sad that he wasn't there for birthdays, Christmas, stuff like me going off to university for the first time etc but I didn't really feel it, I just felt numb.
Now, 30-odd years later I feel like the grieving process is just starting, do you think that's possible?
A close friend of mine died very suddenly last year in horrible circumstances and several other friends have lost a parent recently, I'm coming up to the age my dad was when he died and I just think everything has triggered all these feelings I've suppressed for 30 years.
It's like a pain in my chest and sometimes I feel like I can't breathe, I keep getting jolting flashbacks to my childhood which almost render me speechless and I cry at least once a day, usually multiple times. I can't stand seeing families or dads with their kids, it's too painful.
I don't have much real life support, I'm single and don't have kids. I'm close to my mum but we don't have any other family and she struggles with the loss of my dad too, of course.
I'm waiting for an assessment appointment for psychotherapy, I can afford to go private so my aim is to do it long-term. I'm just scared of everything it's going to dredge up and I'm exhausted and scared at the thought of having to go through the grieving process now, I feel a bit sick with it.
I supposed I'm just wondering if anyone has experienced similar??
Thank you for reading!