Missing mum nearly 2 years on

[Parfortheparsnip]

I lost my mum nearly two years ago. She died suddenly and without warning of a heart problem we didn't know she had.
We were very close. She was in her 60s. I have two young DCs and feel like I've been carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders since. I barely give myself any time to think of mum. But I miss her so much I feel like all my pain and grief is always just below the surface, but once you get through all those 'firsts' after losing someone, people do seem to assume you're 'ok'.
I just miss her so much. I miss that person who I knew loved me completely unconditionally. I feel I've been through so much (I've re-trained since she died, got a new job, been working so hard to balance work and family life, and trying to support my dad). I just want her to be proud of me but I hate so much that we don't get to be together ever again. I hate that such a huge part of who I am as a person has been taken away. Forever.
Just needed a bit of a grief rant. Well done for reading this far.

Grief is a part of loving somebody. I lost my mum 4 months ago and feel it daily. My mum was older but it was sudden too. Counselling may give you an opportunity to talk about mum and your feelings. I agree that some people think grief has an expiry date but we learn to live with the wound and the scar always remains with us.

Parforthepartnership I couldn't not say something having seen and read your post. What you wrote touched me deeply and I feel for your grief. Mothers get a rough deal sometimes on MN, it's good to hear how close you were to your mother. Losing her so suddenly and with young DCs of your own is really tough.
I found the organisation CRUSE helpful and obviously there are lots of books. Give yourself time to grieve and feel the feelings. Death is horrible and the sense of loss often just changes through time but never totally goes away.
You don't say how old your DCs are but if you can, sharing her life and your memories with them will help keep her alive for you all.
You must have been having a deep grief filled moment to post, I hope you can share your sorrow with your dad too. Take care and take time for yourself. 💐

I completely understand OP. My mum died when she was 60 years old, it’s no age at all, there’s been so many things she’s missed out on. She never even got to meet my youngest and only had a couple of days with my eldest. Neither of them will ever know her, neither of them can understand the pain (and I don’t want them to ever go through this, but they will). For the first 10 or so years I was completely silent on the subject, she was my best friend and it just hurt too much. I’m finally able to share little stories about her, but it’s been nearly 15 years and there are still moments where I lose myself in the grief. The only thing that helps is time - it truly, truly is. The pain never stops, you will always miss her. But time will help you cope with that fact.

I was going to say everything @Scabetty said in the first response.

Of course you miss her.
You will always miss her.
There is no time limit on grief.

It might be worth your while carving out a little bit of time for yourself. Go to a bereavement support group. Take time to grieve. Be kind to yourself.

I lost my Mum in my 30s, when my dc were small, and I still wish I could talk to her every now and then, over 20 years on.

Thanks for the kind and thoughtful replies. I'm touched you all took the time. I have had counselling both with Cruse and privately and found Cruse really helpful but don't think I found the right person in terms of private counselling. My GP has asked me to come and see her soon after I had a few appointments when it first happened, amazingly she rang me to check up on me after it had been a year. I haven't had counselling of any sort for over a year tho and perhaps I do need to look into it again. It's hard to carve out the time but mum was all for that kind of thing. Thanks for the understanding.