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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

I can't cope anymore

14 replies

Yoyoyo1 · 10/04/2023 20:47

My wonderful dad died 2 weeks ago. I miss him so much. My mum is so sad and lonely. My 11 year old dd is distraught. I feel torn between them but can't help anyone. I don't see the point of anything anymore.

I keep hearing that line from WH Auden, "and nothing now will come to any good".

I wish I'd spent more time with him. I saw him at least once a week. The golden days are over. How can someone so important just disappear?

OP posts:

PerfectPrepPrincess · 10/04/2023 20:53

Oh I'm so sorry. You are in the midst of grief and it's deepest point. It's an ocean you'll always be in, life's ocean. You'll learn to swim upwards, it'll be hard but you'll start noticing more life around you as you start glimpsing the sparkling sunlight above the waves, you must keep swimming to that light to show your mum and daughter. Once you've brought them up you'll have time to rest and you can then be kept afloat.
Counselling and antidepressants do help if you need them xxx

Wavingnotdrown1ng · 10/04/2023 20:55

You’re in the very early, raw stages and still in shock. It will get better. Take one day at a time and try not to put too much pressure on yourself to do too much. It might help your child if you looked at photos together and talked about happy times together. Perhaps get some pictures framed. Sending you flowers x

dozyrose · 10/04/2023 21:11

I felt the same when we lost my lovely dad. It felt like a light had gone out in our lives and things would never be good again. You're right to an extent that the golden days are over. With each loss of grandparents, parents, peers and partners you lose a part of your life. It's part of the ageing process and the whole cycle of life I suppose. Doesn't make it any easier though.

All I can say is that as time goes on you will get stronger and the pain (although still there) won't be so raw. You will be happy again, maybe in a different kind of way but you will. You are blessed to have had such a wonderful dad. He will always live on through you and your family. Keep him with you but remember that he would want you to be happy and live your life to the fullest. Make him proud. Sending you love and strength xx

Original poster

Yoyoyo1 · 10/04/2023 21:21

Thank you for your kind words.

OP posts:

TomHanksIsFuckingAmazing · 10/04/2023 21:26

PragmaticWench · 10/04/2023 21:29

When I lost my Mum I was in shock for ages, it's a life shocking time. Please allow yourself to just exist, do any little things you can manage and don't worry about the things you can't face.

PragmaticWench · 10/04/2023 21:30

I should say I also had small children and a bereaved parent, they will both cope with whatever you are able to give.

justasmalltownmum · 10/04/2023 21:54

That how I felt when my parent died,Ike they had just disappeared. You just have to take it one hour at a time, then one day. Then one month and eventually you will find a new way of life.

OriginalFloorboards · 10/04/2023 22:18

I am sorry for your loss.

I lost my dad on 11 March and I’m struggling too. He died in my arms.

I can’t offer any advice, but wanted you to know you are not alone in how you feel.

It’s such a profound loss.

I’m sending you a big hug and love xx

Motherofalittledragon · 10/04/2023 22:28

My dad died 8 years ago and my mum a few months ago, I still can't believe they they're here one minute and gone for good the next and that I'll never get to talk to them again. It really is hard.

Borntobeamum · 11/04/2023 15:00

I lost my dad last September and mum in February. At times I feel bereft. I had them for 60 years and although people say i ought to be happy about that, it makes it no easier to deal with. X

Tumbleweed101 · 12/04/2023 22:24

I'm three months in from losing mum and it still isn't much easier some days. I wish you all the best in this journey x.

Babyroobs · 12/04/2023 22:27

So sorry op. This is so hard. Just take one day at a time, things do get a little easier but it takes a long time.

mrsfollowill · 12/04/2023 22:40

It's hard to imagine now but it will get better. You keep going for your 11 yr old daughter. I had a 2 yr old at the time and him and DH kept me sane. My dad died nearly 20 yrs ago and at the time I could never imagine being happy or 'normal' again. Random people laughing or looking cheerful pissed me off no end!
Massive cliche but time helps- I still think of him most days and my mum and me talk about him often. He loved tech and would be blown away with an Iphone! We chat about happy stuff though - we don't sit mourning.
Sadly my mum may not have much longer and I'll be going down the path/cycle again. I've 'looked after her' for 20 yrs was one of the last things my dad said to me to do

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