Supporting DP while also being shut out

[WhatToDo2023]

My DP's father is suddenly very ill and he's not got long. We live abroad so DP flew over at the weekend and is staying there for a few weeks. His father is not coming home so it's all very hard. DP has shut me out, giving me short once a day text updates, won't speak on the phone. He doesn't want me to fly over, him and his mum are mourning, not enough room in the house.

I don't know what to do. I can't support him and feel awful. I really want to get on a plane right now but I feel like I'd be stepping over a boundary?

We've been together 7 years, i know his family well although they are indeed very close and very private.

When my own mum died 10 years ago I relied heavily on my then boyfriend so this is all 1) alien to me and 2) bringing up a lot of memories and I'm struggling being alone - although I realize that is all selfish so won't mention to him, just giving context.

As someone who grieves very privately I would just leave him to it. That's what I'd want.

I would just message often saying thinking of you and I'm here if you need me.

My Dad passed away recently and I've really struggled being around anyone, even my DH and DC at times. I feel like I want to crawl into a shell and hide there. Grief is a really really strange feeling, and doesn't always bring out the best in people

Thanks both. Deep down I know all that. Being so far away is difficult because I can't even pop by for the afternoon, we're thousands of miles away so not exactly an easy flight and not one I can do just for a day or so. Knowing he's going through this by himself is awful.