A friend has lost her 13 year old son, suddenly.

[HampshireNoo]

As the title says. A friend's son died very suddenly last week. I want to send something. I'm be so grateful for suggestions. Flowers seem too obvious. TIA

Something practical like food from cook?

I thought that but I'm not sure she's in the country. Her son died abroad.

I haven't felt able to ask what's happening. I've just been messaging daily sending hugs and love.

I would say obvious things are fine - a card with few words is what matters more than stuff. My experience is that they will be deluged with food and flowers. Maybe send a card now and something thoughtful in a few weeks after the funeral.

I would just send a note expressing your sympathy. Gifts are really not the right thing here. Someone who has lost a person doesn't need meals or flowers. All you can do is let her know you are thinking of her.

I was wondering the same. So, a card for now is the best thing and then offer food and stuff later?

I think messages, especially if you say there’s no pressure to reply, is the best. I’m not sure anything physical helps.

And carry on “being there” after the initial activity has worn off, in the months and years ahead.

Your poor friend.

Just write to her and say how sorry you are for her terrible terrible loss. Later on try to meet up with her. Don't avoid the subject. How awful for her.

My friend lost her daughter suddenly at 17. She said people she knew would cross the street rather than have to meet her and say something. She found that very hard.

Those are my thoughts exactly. People don't know how to deal with someone who's suffering bereavement. I know when I lost my dear Dad a few years back, people would totally avoid the topic. I felt so alone.

I've been messaging daily just saying hugs, and thoughts and saying no pressure to reply.

Does she have support in the U.K. and does she have any other younger children?

If she has other children then I think the most helpful thing you can do would be to make yourself available for babysitting/outings if she needs it.

She has an older son. She got married in December. She has her Mum too

Oh bless her. I lost my daughter very suddenly 8 years ago. It is earth shattering and will be utterly devastating for a very long time to come… please stay in contact, send a card, there are some wonderful books for bereaved parents. I heartily recommend she contacts The Bodie Hodges Foundation who can give her so much advice and support. And practical support such as food and drink parcels will be appreciated, she won’t be thinking about eating or drinking and will need to be reminded over the next few weeks. Thank you for trying to be there for her, it isn’t easy but it will be very appreciated I’m sure.

Perhaps call and talk. I had a sudden close family bereavement and 2 or 3 friends called and it meant so much. I needed to talk and cry and talk and cry, i felt like I was boring people so i was so grateful when people called me and let me talk/cry.

Lemonademoney. So sorry to hear about your loss. I can't even comprehend the pain she must be in. Thank you for the info about the Bodie Hodges Foundation. I'll make a note of it.

If you're wanting to buy something I'd suggest a food delivery voucher like ubereats