How to make sense of someone dying?

[Yoyoyo1]

My dad died a week ago. I am broken. How do you make sense of it? One minute he was there, now he's not? What is the point of anything? I am not religious, I wish I was.

I don't know that you ever do OP, I am so sorry but I think the days get a little easier to bare as you go through them. You are in the very early stages at the moment, things will get easier

so sorry for your loss. I am a few months ahead of you on the road. I still can't get my head round it and my heart breaks every time I remember that I won't see / speak to / hug my darling Dad again. As bloodywhitecat says, the days do get easier as time goes by - the pain is not as raw, and it is easier to try and push it down to deal with later. I find keeping busy really helped me although some colleagues felt that I went back to work too soon after.

Be kind to yourself, it is a horrible thing to go through (understatement)

I don't know but if you find the answer please tell me, also recently bereaved and really struggling, I get by day to day but when I think about it I lose myself in grief. How can someone do important just be gone. How can someone be alive and healthy and then just gone?! None of it makes sense and the pain of it is awful. Not the first time I've lost a relative but the first time it's been 'before their time' so to speak and I really can't understand it all r wrap my head round it so I really sympathise

It's early days. My own Dad died 10 days ago. Yesterday I was nicely distracted and things almost felt normal. But then I also felt guilty for almost pretending it was and having a nice day. Today I got some photos from my mum and it's just raw. It doesn't feel real. I catch myself saying 'where did you go? '.

Sending support OP x

I know exactly how you feel....

14 months after losing DP I still feel like those dogs in videos when their owners do the vanishing trick with a blanket.....

DP died suddenly on Thursday - so bloody inconsiderate with the bank holidays. I'm trying to find out what to do about things like the car insurance. I can't sleep and GP not available obviously.

@NomDePrune so sorry for your loss.

It may depend on the insurer but mum was only a named driver on Dad's. They swapped it over straight away when I rang. I had assumed Mum wasn't covered but they said she would have been anyway.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

Grief is a changeable animal.

The best analogy I've heard is that it's like a heavy stone and the memories attached to it are hard to bear and very raw. Some days it's terribly heavy and you fell you can't carry it, some days the stone feels lighter and you manage with day to day tasks and it's not the first or only thing you think about, eventually it just becomes part of you and you only think about it occasionally and you're so used to it you can almost find comfort in it and its associated memories.

It's a very long road to finding comfort in it but you will get there, let yourself be sad, be kind to yourself, no one expects you to get through the journey in any particular time frame but you will get there.

sorry for your loss OP

As PPs have said I don't think you can ever make sense of it. Your grief is raw now but you will learn to live with it. My DM passed away 16 years ago and I still have a huge cry every now and then. I still can't get over never seeing her again

It’s horrible - I was there when my dad died 18 months ago and I still day to day can’t believe he’s gone. I saw When Eagles Dare was on this afternoon and almost sent him a jokey text telling him it was on for the umpteenth time.

The pain gets less raw but still hits when you least expect it.

@NomDePrune we forgot about the car insurance! You do need to get it changed over to your name asap. 111 would do you a script for something to help you sleep
in these circumstances.

Sorry for your loss. Sadly with the car you need to change the owner as well. So many things to think about.