Resentment or something like it

[Newnameagainbecause]

My Dad died last week and I am struggling with my usual issues in my family of feeling like my needs and feelings are not given any weight.
I can't be specific as it is way too identifying but .

I felt 'ok' all day but then it's got me tonight of how alone and angry I feel about it all.

I have no partner. My ex has gone on holiday without telling me so it's up to me to entertain my child who has SEN while I am grieving. I have seen one friend since it happened. No cards. No flowers. I feel like nobody gives a shit. And everyone asks about how my Mum is (of course) and I am doing so much to look after her needs. But nobody is looking after mine and nobody ever does. It really fucking hurts.

Mum was saying how kind everyone has been and she's had so many cards and letters and meals made for her and so on. And I'm glad , truly because I don't live near her and it's good she's being looked after. But just once, I would like to feel looked after instead of having to be the strong one and the one doing the sorting.

And on top of this, one of my neighbours tactlessly told me that I would be now looking after my mother and have no life. But I was the one left completely alone in lockdown with my family not giving a toss. I've only seen them twice in the last year. I'm struggling with feeling needed but unable to get any comfort from anyone myself.

It's shit. I'm grieving but also feeling so angry about so many family issues.

I’m sorry for your loss
I’m sorry no one is looking after you and offering you sympathy and support, it’s understandable you feel resentful and hurt.
Cruse offer support if you need them, not the same as a friend offering a shoulder or sending a card but it may help to talk to someone.
https://www.cruse.org.uk/

This sounds very hurtful, OP. Unfortunately, it's quite common for families to have some people whose needs are always prioritised and some who are always expected to meet those needs. It is difficult to change that pattern within the family itself because the people whose needs get met are doing very nicely out of it and don't want to change.

It sounds like your mum is well-supported, so is there any way you can reduce what you are doing to meet her needs, to at least allow you to focus on your own? I know that's not the same as having someone looking after you, but it might reduce the emotional burden for you a bit.

Thank you both.. I forgot about Cruse. I may call them at some point although I'll have my DS with me for the next two weeks so I won't even be able to be alone with my thoughts.

I have today and tomorrow though I guess. I'm going to try and focus on my feelings I think. I reckon I need some space to feel my feelings and not have to think about my mum or sibling.

I didn't sleep well last night. I think the initial exhaustion is wearing off and last night I felt wired and restless. I'm going to just watch shit TV all day I think. I dunno. I may try and write something from me for the funeral. I just wish it could be sooner. I won't have any time afterwards to recover before going back to work. But I don't get a say.

Have you got siblings to help support you and your mum through this stage?

Your work should offer support too but if not speak to a GP about being signed off if you feel this would be helpful. I found work both helpful and yet desperate to be away from it simultaneously!

My sibling is a big part of the issue.

I can't say more as too identifying but I am really struggling with them. They've made everything so much harder and it's raked up a ton of old feelings which I don't know what to do with.

I'm very grateful as ever to MN. I feel so alone. My heart actually hurts today. I reached out to a friend today but they were not supportive.

So sorry for your loss. I have posted something similar last week, feeling alone in my grief and the heavy heart. After the initial notfication to friends and family of my loss, its like tumbleweed.
Contact Cruse, you can chat text them as well. Could you go and see your mum?

A kind friend rang this morning and had a long chat with me which helped.

@ClaraBourne I am sorry that you have felt similar.