Is there a 'protocol' regarding sympathy cards?

[chrissnow]

I had the sad news last night that my best mate's grandad had died. I've always been very close to the family (they called me roger for years as in roger the lodger). Obviously I'll send my mate a card/flowers to let her know I'm thinking of her (she lives in Holland). I also want to send a card to her mom, now as he was also a father in law for 40 odd years do I address it to mate's mom and dad or just her mom? I know it seems like such a silly little worry . . . but you know how important the silly little things get at these times.

Anybody know?

Do her mum & dad still live together?

If not, i don't see anything wrong with just sending her mum a card.

I think any indication that you're thinking of her / them is appreciated at a time like this.

i'd address it to them both. At a time like this a detail like that won't seem important to them, but i would imagine he is feeling the loss just as much as her, especially if he has been part of the family for such a long time.

Not sure of the protocols but I would put

To Mary, John and family

Thanks all. That's what I thought, but you know how suddenly you get unsure and worry about 'upsetting someone'. Like my card would be an upset?!? Silly of me I know. And yes still very much together.
Thanks again.

This is going to be way too late, but only a letter will really do. Cards are simply not good enough; the comfort a letter brings, because hardly anyone does it these days, is quite remarkable.