Funeral questions

[BeatriceLacey]

I'm currently trying to organise my dad's funeral. Is it ok to have no flowers and ask for donations to charity (possibly my dad's church)? Is no flowers at all ok or should I get some for the coffin?
I think I have more questions which I might add later. Thanks.

no flowers but a donation was acceptable at my Dads funeral, and that was in the 90s, there was a box at the church entrance for people to put their money in, or others put it with cards.

It is certainly ok (and quite common) to ask for people to give donations to a caouse instead of flowers. It is also fine not to have flowers on the coffin if that is your peference. Those are two separate decisions, but both can be made freely without thought that you might be 'getting it wrong'.
Sorry for your loss. Hope the funeral goes as you would wish.

Sorry to hear about your dad 💙

IME, no flowers is just for those who aren’t principal mourners. We’ve always arranged a spray for the casket from family only - we’ve then donated the flowers afterwards so they don’t go to waste.

Yes, family flowers only and donations seem to be standard now. Our funeral director's website had a page with a link to your chosen charity.

We only had coffin flowers.

Don't feel tied by tradition (which in this case is just a lot of other people making a similar choice). If you would rather not have flowers, don't have flowers. There are so many other things to think about - don't get too hung up on this one.

I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope your Dad gets a send off that works for you and your family.

We arranged some flowers for the top of the coffin with the funeral home and I put a small bunch from my garden on there too. We had no other flowers and the funeral directors put a box with the charity name on by the exit

I'm sorry for your loss 💐

Of course if you don't want flowers at all then you're perfectly free to say so, but personally I'd have the "coffin flowers" as it would look really sad without anything. In the announcement you'd say something like "Family flowers only please, otherwise please make a donation to [whatever] Church in dad's memory."

The funeral director will keep you right though, I didn't have a clue when I was organising my mum's funeral last year so they took me through it all step by step.

In the meantime, please take time for yourself too. Eat "properly" whenever possible - even if you can't face much, have a cheese toastie or something. Don't just eat crisps like I did!

All the best ❤️

You can do whatever you want to do but generally I think people do at least one arrangement from immediate family to go on the coffin and then donations only from anyone else who wishes to give - which is usually a combination of a retiring cash collection after the service and donations direct to the funeral director who will pass anything collected on.

If you'd rather not have flowers, then I've seen other things go on the coffin during the service such as flags, caps (like police, fire, or even football team), musical instruments.
Its pretty normal to put 'donations for xx' in the death notice which are collected by the funeral directors, and they will hold a collection plate at the end of the service too if asked. But the FD will be able to help you, they were so incredibly kind when my parents died.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad

So sorry for your loss OP.

We had flowers on the coffin and donations if people wished to do so to charity. There was an online link. There were no other flowers.

But remember there really are no rules as such. You are free to have what you'd like. The Funeral Director will guide you.

Virtually every funeral I have been to has "Donations to X charity in lieu of flowers", so that is very, very normal / common / expected.

Virtually every funeral do seem to have some flowers, from the family, on the coffin. I have seen these to vary from a sculptured design (maybe the 'badge' of something they belong to, or the word 'Dad') to a simple bunch of daffs, hand tied with a ribbon. That is entirely up to you (as the family - I don't mean you alone, if there are others in the immediate family). However you don't have to. You can absolutely have no flowers at all if that is what you prefer.

I am sorry for your loss.

I do t think you need any flowers at all.

Depending how big the wedding is I wouldn't say anything about donations I'd just request no flowers.

We did as others have said and did a coffin spray and then requested donations. And then we took the coffin spray home and made arrangements which we kept for a few weeks. I couldn't see the point of leaving them to rot - it was sad but nice to have them for a few weeks

Thanks so much everybody. We've (me and my mum) decided to just have some flowers for the coffin and ask for donations to his church. I think my dad would have been happy with that. I'm trying to make sure the funeral is as close to what he would have wanted as I can (he didn't leave any instructions!). It sort of feels like the last thing I can do for him.

Well done OP. I found arranging the best funeral I could very rewarding and something to focus on despite the sadness.

I wish you well. I hope it is everything you want. I'm sure your father would be proud of you.

I never thought to say no flowers at my dad’s funeral. We had a coffin spray, but nobody else sent flowers. A few close friends sent me flowers when he died, but that was a few weeks earlier.