Lost my dad - does the pain ever go?

[Yoyoyo1]

My lovely dad died on thursday. I was with him but on my own when he died. I am ok, then feel unbearable sadness.

I'm so sorry for your loss 😔

My Dad died in the last few days of January - it's a horrendous journey, I won't sugarcoat it. But I know that I'll get through it - it's a process and a necessary one.

I felt really physically unwell in the immediate aftermath, thankfully that has eased now. I get moments where I forget, and then boom, I'm sobbing over something and can't stop.

I'm so sorry for your loss

So sorry for your loss.

I lost my dad 17 years ago and I still miss him and grieve for him.

You will absolutely learn to live with pain or even let go of the pain.

Now take your time to grieve tomorrow is another day. He was lovely father so he had a life well lived.

I’m so sorry for your loss. My Dad died 8 years ago, he died very suddenly and unexpectedly. I was in shock for around 6 months and just kept thinking that it was all a mistake, that if only I’d not gone to the hospital when I got the call to say he’d died then maybe it wouldn’t have been true. it took a long time for me to accept it.

it was a very difficult journey through the grief but I can now say that I came out of the other side. I still miss him and think about him but often talk about him with my DC and with friends and we laugh about things he did or said in a fond way rather than getting upset.

it took a long time and you really must give yourself time and let yourself cry and get out all the sadness and rage and anything else you’re feeling. I had some grief therapy after around 18 months because I still felt traumatised by what had happened and that really helped.

I also sometimes used to “forget” that he had died and suddenly remember and get absolutely inconsolable again……I didn’t really forget but i think that feeling happened when I was trying to get on with life and then it used to just hit me out of the blue……that it was actually real, it wasn’t just an awful dream.

the pain will go eventually but for now just try and keep going.

My Dad passed 5 weeks ago and it only just hit me in the last week.
Through this quick decline I was fighting to get him care, after he passed I was planning his funeral, sorting out the necessary things that needed doing for my mum. Now all this has stopped it's hit me, my Dad is my hero and I cannot comprehend he's not here, I have so many things I need to tell him and talk to him about, I want him back.

I don't think the pain will ever leave me. I know someday it will ease but I don't think the pain of him going far too soon will ever go.

No the pain never really goes because no one will love you like your parents.
If you are a woman and had a good father, no man will ever love you so purely and unconditionally as your father did. The pain is so bad because the love was so strong.

It gets easier to cope with over time but the pain will be retrigger by a random song or the book they liked or their birthday.

Condolence to you. You can only deal with the day in front of you at this stage.

I can totally relate to this with my Dad’s very sudden death. It was so awful. It is OK now. He had a good life and was loved. It will never be the same without him but I am getting there.

Sorry for your loss OP (and everyone) and sending hugs.

Our Dad died 2 years ago.

It still makes me sick to the stomach to say the words. 'My dad died'

We Miss him so so much. It still feels like a bad dream.

Lockdown took our Dad :( we will NEVER forget the pandemic as it took our Dad from us :(

I’m sorry for your loss.

Obviously we’re all different but 6 years on and I’m occasionally still swamped by sadness…all that he won’t get to see and all the time we haven’t had him. But most of the time it’s a slight drone in the background, because life moves along and there are reasons to be glad and cheerful despite the rubbishness of losing someone you love so dearly.

My dad died a long time ago. Time helps and the pain of my loss is not as intense but I still can feel the pain and at the time I thought I would never feel any better.

Sorry for your loss op. No in my experience the pain never goes away but you learn to live around it. It becomes a part of you. Somehow after a while you don't want it to go away either. The pain is a reminder of the person you loved. In many ways grief is love with nowhere to go.

When my mum died suddenly 10 years ago this year. I found a lot of comfort in this Marcus Cicero quote.

The life of the dead is placed on the memories of the living. The love you gave in life keeps people alive beyond their time. Anyone who was given love will always live on in another's heart.
Marcus Tullius Cicero

Your dad will always live on inside your heart op.

💐it will get “better” in time.

so sorry for your loss.

I lost my dad 9 years ago. We had a complicated relationship but I loved him very much and he loved me. The pain never goes away, you just learn to cope with it better over time. I get overwhelmed with sadness at times especially when I think how I'd like to talk to Dad about something.

Take good care and be kind to yourself OP. Everyone has their own grieving journey. There is no right or wrong way. Lean in hard to those you love most.

Everyone has a different experience

But I would say yes, the pain goes. I was in physical pain the first few weeks. After about 8 months I was fine. Seems unpopular to say that, but that was my experience.

Yes, it does get easier but it is very hard at the beginning as grief is supposed to be. I thought about it a lot for 8-12 months, but gradually adjusted

So sorry.
loosing my dad was so hard. It happened 16 years ago and it still makes me tearful. Reading these posts has made me cry, because 16 years on I’m still so sad that he died, that I lost him. It was a massive loss, I miss him still and deeply saddened about the relationship that my children missed out on. He would have been an amazing grandad. 😢

But it hurts less, the pain isn’t agonising or overwhelming , I cry much less and that old cliche of time healing, it’s a true one. I can remember my Dad and smile as well as cry.

I am so very sorry about your Dad. My heart goes out to you. I remember wondering if I ever would/could stop crying when my Dad died. The pain felt unbearable. Somehow though, the tears did stop - they have to.

Rob Delaney said something that really made sense, following the death of his little boy.

“It’s a sort of mantra that I developed early in the acute grief process. I would tell myself, ‘It’s ok, you’ll be sad forever.’ I found that very freeing because then it was like, oh, I don’t have to march through this expecting and desiring an end? I can put it down for a minute and come pick it up again. I can relax.”

Take good care of yourself. 💐

It just gets easier. It's a huge learning curved