Stillborn baby 24 weeks

[Lolla8686]

Hello,

I'm wondering if anyone out there has experienced something like me and van offer me any advice on how to survive.

It took 2 rounds of ivf to fall pregnant. At 6 weeks pregnant, i had a big bleed. Amazingly, one of the 2 embryos held on. I thought this was the worst experience I'd have and that it would be plain sailing from here on.

At my 20 week scan, they couldn't see the 4 chambers of my boy's heart. We were eventually referred to St Thomas's in London. Two different professors identified multiple complex issues with his heart; so complex that surgery wouldn't be an option. He could either live a few weeks in pain or we could terminate the pregnancy.

We made the impossible decision to have a medical termination out of love for our son. We didn't want him to be born into a life of pain, never leaving the hospital.

Last week I gave birth to him. I was given medication to induce labour. My body resisted and I needed multiple doses. In active labour, I vomited with each contraction despite multiple anti emetics. It was traumatic and terrifying.

Now, I'm trying to survive. It's his funeral on Thursday. I don't know how my life has changed so drastically in the space of a few weeks. I don't know how to live any more because I feel like my old self died with my baby.

I have support from my husband, family, bereavement midwife, SANDS etc. I just don't know how to keep going.

I'm so sorry for your tragic loss of your baby

I’m so sorry, sending you love. Keep sharing here and talking to people when you can.
Just take everything step by step as slow and gentle as you can on yourself x

I am so sorry. Take each day at a time. Scratch that. Take each hour at a time. You will survive this but you will never go back to the person you were. But that doesn't mean that there is no joy ahead. Sending a hand hold.

I am so so sorry for the loss of your baby boy.
Would you like to tell us a bit about him? What is his name?

Was just about to post this.

An unthinkable loss, OP. So tragically unfair and heartbreaking. I can’t speak from experience but maybe time is the only thing that might ease what you’re feeling.

You ripped your own heart and soul out to make sure your boy didn’t feel one second of pain or suffering. There’s no greater love.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy OP

Like others, I'd be very happy to hear all about him if you want to talk x

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard it must be.

I gave birth to my stillborn son at 26 weeks, and the labour was brutal due to the drug they induce you with .. much more so than my other births. The horror will fade, I promise.

Did you have any photographs taken? I was too upset to but the MW's took some and I was so very grateful after... his photo is next to my bed, so the 1st thing I see at both ends of the day.

There is no right or wrong way to get through this - just your way

We lost our baby boy January last year, he was developing with his insides on the outside. We were told similar that if he made it to full term he would pass away within a few hours. Taking those tablets was the hardest thing I have ever done, it feels as though you are giving up, when you've fought so hard.
I have 2 other boys already, so for me I just had to be strong for them. I tortured myself for months, blaming myself. And only recently coming to realise it was not fair for him to be brought into this world with such complications.
I know exactly how you are feeling, sending huge hugs and hoping you can find a way to carry on 💓💓

His name is Rowan Patrick. He had really long legs, big hands and feet. He kicked vigorously to certain songs. He was fiesty, he hated the scans and even troed to kick the amniocentesis needle! He was due on 5th July.

I'm already feeling guilty that I have to consider ivf again, before I've even grieved. Before he's even had a funeral. But I'm 37. I'm scared that my grief for Rowan will dominate my life and I'll never get pregnant with his brother or sister.

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your baby boy Rowan Patrick.

I'll be thinking of you and your family on Thursday ♥️

Very sorry for the loss of your little boy and sending you strength and wishing all the best for the funeral. Take your time and whatever you are feeling is natural. I have a child however have just gone through similar last month myself with my son who died at a week old. Xx

Rowan Patrick is a beautiful name and I love how much of his personality he showed whilst in your tummy. It made me smile reading your description.

I have no words of comfort, life is so very cruel at times. You do not need to feel guilty at all, you did the most loving thing for your baby boy to ensure he never had to suffer.

You are in my thoughts and all I can say is be kind to yourself and do get in touch with "sands" as they can be a wonderful help and support.

💕💕💕💕

So terribly sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy. Sending love and strength 💙

Oh goodness. I am so sorry to read this. It sounds incredibly traumatic and painful. Sending love to you 💐 💐 💐.

I’m so incredibly sad to hear about Rowan Patrick. Sadly I have experienced the loss of a baby. She was stillborn at 35 weeks.
I don’t know what to say. You just keep moving forward. You love them and you celebrate them in the ways you can.
You need to remember that he felt your love. He heard your voice and that of his daddy. He was with you and part of you. You’ll always be his mummy he will always be your boy. Your gorgeous baby boy. You need to grieve him and cry and scream as loud as you need to.
The stillbirth of a much loved child is something so incredibly sad and tragic. I can only send you my absolute love. And when I light a candle for my gorgeous girl I will light one for your little boy.
SANDS will help. Sadly there are a lot of us about who have experience this and we do what we can to help each other.
I’m just so so very sorry. X

I am so so sorry for your tragic loss x Sending you much love.

I’m so sorry.

When you say you have the support of SANDS, what support have you actually had from them? My local group have befrienders that are available to meet up during the week/weekends and to ring or email as well as monthly face to face evening meeting with other parents. It made a massive difference to me to be able to talk with others who had at least been there, even if they dealt with things differently.

Don’t feel guilty about thinking of IVF again. I can’t describe the desperation I had to have another baby afterwards; it was overwhelming and was completely separate to my grief and my subsequent baby was in no way a replacement.

In my experience, the build up to the funeral will be far worse than the day itself. Likewise, if you have anything else about your baby (memorial, post mortem meeting, fetal medicine appointment etc) the build up will always be worse. It’s the same for me for birthdays, due dates and other significant dates.

It’s a truly horrible time you are going through. Just focus on getting through, however you need to do it.

OP, I am so, so, so, sorry. I can't even imagine how you feel. I had a first trimester miscarriage last year and thought I will die, I can't even imagine how you must feel. Please hang on. I am sending you a lot of love and good thoughts. Once again, terribly sorry for your loss

So very sorry. I'd just like to 'second' the positive comments 're SANDS. They helped a friend of mine so much. Will be thinking of you, and Rowan on Thursday.

Op, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Sending you gentle hugs and thoughts. You did the most amazing, selfless thing you could have done: you saved your ds any suffering. 💐💐💐

Rowan’s a lovely name.

Do you remember which songs he’d kick to?

Clearly a very loved little boy.

@usernamechanged1 Carole King - you've got a friend and Metallica- enter the sandman. Rowan clearly liked a wide range of music! I cried today thinking that he'd never go to a gig or festival to experience live music.

Thank you to everyone who has replied.

@TheSnowyOwl I'll investigate the SANDS befriender thing more. I've just read through their website lots and they sent a memory box which was lovely.

So sorry to hear this. Thinking of you and your lovely boy Rowan.