Going to the doctor for grief

[Tumbleweed101]

Mum died just after new years on 3rd Jan. I'm struggling with work some days as the stress on certain days on top of the grief can be hard to deal with. My boss has suggested speaking to a GP. Realistically, what could be offered by a GP? I'm not coping because I'm grieving, I'm not sure anything can resolve this except time? My job is working with children, some of which have quite severe behavioural issues including violent meltdowns. While I'm finding days which involve typical 3/4yr behaviour ok I'm struggling on the days where we have the SEN children with extreme behaviours in as it's stress on stress.

I don't think the doctor can help really. My workplace wouldn't really manage easily with me signed off sick as we are tight for staff so I've been trying to avoid that option for them and me.

Id go to your doctor & get signed off for a bit. Your work will cope without you.

You need time to grieve. It can be a difficult process. Please take the time just now to address it though

I didn't. And I absolutely went to pieces a couple of years later & tbh it was the start of various MH issues.

Your GP might also suggest counselling

Its definitely worth talking to them

Don't worry about your workplace. Better to be signed off for a bit and recover.

As a manager I would rather someone took proper time off and got better.

Time off will help you process the grief more, or just allow your body to recover from the tremendous physical strain of grief and stress

I agree with taking some time out. Read up on the stages of grief as a bit of knowledge can help you to realise that what you're going through is normal.
Do you have support?

Yes, your GP will sign you off. My dm died in September, I took 5 weeks off. My job is customer facing. Couldn’t bear to stand there smiling and being all chirpy.

When my mum died the GP said I want to see you [ie me] in two weeks. I didn't know why, I thought maybe something to do with Mum, but I went, and it was a welfare check. He wanted to know how I was. And then wanted to see me again in another four weeks. He gave me diazepam, which I only took when things got overwhelming, not three times a day, and it really helped me to function on days when it was all too much.

Paracetamol is a painkiller. It also works for emotional pain, not just physical. I have previously been prescribed a course of paracetamol when suffering severe grief.

The problem when we compartmentalise grief too.much I think is that we remain with the same level.of torture.i did this when my dad died,when my mum.died and now more recently with the suicide of my partner. It not good. If you think tume off wjrk might help then go to your GP. Sending u a virtual handhold. Grief is apparently something we need to think of as learning to.live with rather than something to get over

OP it is definitely worth checking in with your GP, so that you can at least be monitored. There is really no timeline for grief and, as another poster has mentioned, you don't get over it, just learn to move forward and 'grow around it'. However, complex grief can progress into depression which your GP can check for. Definitely it may be helpful for you to talk to someone (a counsellor) though - even if just for a short while to help you process your loss. I understand the NHS waitlists for this are quite long but the GP may be able to recommend some online support in the meantime. If it's your thing, there is an app called Grief Works, run by Julia Samuel, expert on all things grief & loss. There is a subscription fee, (but probably less than the cost of one private therapy session). Take care of yourself OP.

When my mum died suddenly I had five weeks off work. One morning I just suddenly had a little spark of interest and knew I was curious to see what I might have missed in the office and I knew then that my brain was allowing just a tiny bit of space for something more than just the constant heart-wrenching sense of loss. My employers were great and I had a phased return for six weeks...no major projects and I was told to take it easy, go home early if I needed to etc. Not every employer is as kind but this slow phased return meant I could do it at my pace.

I think if you're struggling at work it's because you're not ready to be there yet. Your GP can sign you off, refer you for counselling (long wait, admittedly!) but also in my case I was given a week's worth of diazepam which just helped me to relax enough to sleep properly. It's definitely worth talking to your doctor as this will all help you as you process your way through it. Yes, time helps but so does rest, sleep and medication.

Please see your GP, they can and will help.

People are different. Some people want to carry on working because, if even for a short while, it takes their mind off the grief. Being on your own to constantly dwell on the grief can actually put you in a downward spiral.
On the other hand, some people can't put thoughts together and just can't function. Being signed off isn't automatic. Some might give ADs in the short-term.
Whatever, your grief will go on for quite some time - I still struggle and I lost my dad 7 years ago. Don't worry about work, they'll survive, think what is best for you because this is a long haul.
My condolences. It's an awful time.

Hello OP
first time poster here. Felt compelled to de- lurk because my mother too died the same day as yours - Tuesday January 3rd. I don’t have loads of advice but I did take 2.5 weeks off and I also only work 4 days - to manage the stress. This has really helped me get through it. I listen to many podcasts on grief which I find helpful. One of them was saying how grief really affects your brain. And also you know this but grief isn't linear. So many aspects to grief - so be gentle on yourself. Im trying to follow that advice too.

Thank you for all your replies they have been really lovely and helpful x.