Eight weeks since mum’s death

[Vintagefloof]

Hello, first time poster here so please forgive any issues.

I lost my mum eight weeks ago at quite a young age after a short battle with cancer (I’m under 30 and my mother was in her early 60s). I’m really struggling with grief and the different stages of it at the moment. It took until what felt like a long time after her death and funeral to hit me, but right now I’m feeling worse than the early days. I was off work for four weeks immediately afterwards and while I’m happy to be back with my colleagues, I am finding five days a week a lot and am feeling constantly exhausted and like my emotions are very close to the surface. I also seem to constantly be feeling under the weather, bouncing from chest infection to cold to other minor ailments.

I think right now I’m just worried that people will be expecting me to have got over it by now, but instead I’m an emotional mess, feeling lost and sad and crying almost every day.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for from replies but I’ve seen some helpful posts on here before and I could maybe just use some reassurance / hearing of people feeling similarly at a similar stage.

I'm so sorry. Check out and feel free to hijack my thread on 'do you ever get over losing a parent' - there's some wise words on there xxx

Sending love. It's many years since my mum died and the first year was really really hard. I was physically unwell too and looking back I'm sure there was an emotional link. It's completely normal to take a long time to adjust to such a loss, please be kind to yourself and try not to worry about what others think (easier said than done I know).

So sorry for your loss.

Time really does help the healing process, but yours is so raw right now. Cry, grieve, be angry, be happy about all the memories. Take your time. Do what you need to do, one step at a time.

I lost my parent a few years ago. I was an utter mess. Music helped me through. Reading helped me. I have photos of my parent around the house and I talk to my kids about the loss but always about my parent's legacy. What i was taught by my parent, the life lessons i always carry with me and my kids love hearing about my childhood. It will be ok. But take your time. Look after yourself. Wishing you all the best.

My mum died just after new year and I'm really struggling but trying to hold it together with work and home etc. I still cry most days too. And if I'm not in a crying week I'm just so irritable with everyone.

Sorry to hear about your loss too Tumbleweed101. I think this is a very normal reaction to bereavement which just isn't talked about.

My Dad died at the end of January, and I'm literally wading through quicksand. I'm absolutely devastated, he died of cancer and his last 2 weeks weren't remotely kind or what I expected. The initial shock has worn off, but I'm floundering.

You're not alone

So sorry for your loss, Floof, .
if there is anyone who thinks you should “be getting over it” after so short a time, they really are not worthy of your thoughts. You are grieving and will be for a long time, though how that manifests will vary from person to person, experience to experience, there is no ‘right’ way.
I hope this link will be of help, though maybe not straightaway: https://thelossfoundation.org/grief-comes-in-waves/

I'm nearly 60 and lost my dad at the beginning of last month. He was 85. I am devastated. I know he had a good life and I know I'm lucky to have had him so long but nothing helps.

In your position at your age and your mums age I just can't imagine how much worse it would've been. I think you just have to follow that advice of one day at a time. I'm so sorry for your loss.

for you.

I lost my Dad in January. I spent the week with him before he died in his hospital room.
I still haven't recovered physically (so tired) and the physical feeling when the grief hits is immense.
That week was such emotional rollercoaster but his death was so peaceful for which I'm so thankful.

Sometimes I’m ok. Good and bad days. I'm back to work but I'm not on top form. Silly mistakes.

Had a lovely dream about Dad on Thursday night. He was round for something to eat and we were sat in the lounge with a glass of wine. I was filling in him on everything we’d been up to, like he’d been on holiday or something. Then I woke up and realised I’d been dreaming. It really hit me that morning.

You aren't alone is what I'm trying to say. Take care of yourself.

Hi,

I lost my mother on the 25th of March. She was discharged from hospital and the doctors were happy, then she quickly went downhill and passed away at home. They still don't know what the cause of death was.

I'm going through everything you describe, there's so much pressure on me to get back to work.

Why is our society so insistent on ignoring the gravity of our losses and getting back to the office ASAP? I still can't imagine making through the day without getting upset, I'm dreading work.