Grieving for the wrong person?

[ChickenMacaroni]

Hi, I just wanted to share on here something I'm finding very hard at the moment.

I lost my grandad a couple of weeks ago. We weren't hugely close- I've probably met him about 20 times in my life. I am a bit sad but it's not a tragedy as he was quite old, and it was a "good death".

I am however extremely angry with my other grandad who died about 20 years ago. We were close and I adored him. He was massively important in my life. He died naturally but suddenly in late middle age when I was a teenager. I am angry with him for dying and angry with the world that I got an extra 2 decades with "indifferent grandad" when 20 more years with "close grandad" would have been so much fun. Angry with "indifferent grandad" for wasting all that time when I would have loved him so much.

I have been blessed to not have many major bereavements and I think I am not very resilient at all as the death of a man who, let's face it, I barely knew, has totally knocked me for six, albeit in a roundabout way

Is this "normal"?

Pretty much any feelings are normal in grief. If you can accept this reaction as part of the grieving and not worry too much whether it is 'normal', you will likely move through it.

I think it’s very normal for a bereavement to stir up old and unrelated feelings. It’s such a weird old business, grief, not always predictable at all. I’m sorry for both your losses.

Very normal , I’ve been to lots of funerals and cried but the tears have been for my dad who died at 51 .

Everything you said makes sense and is totally understandable. I don’t think it’s surprising that family deaths take us back to other family deaths. I think it’s natural that you’ve been thinking a lot about your two grandfathers specifically, as well.

I’m sorry you lost your beloved Grandad so young. It’s not fair, is it?

Thank you all for your kind words. I suppose I know it's all normal. Selfishly, I think it's tough when my support people are grieving too.

No, @Jellycats4life - it's not bloody fair! 😣I guess it's made me quite reflective in a way, when I'm used to just barrelling through life. I will be ok though.

very normal