Lighthearted/To Comfort Others: What's the silliest thing you've done when grieving?

[VaseWaterFlowers]

I wanted to start a thread to offer some comfort to others especially on mother's day and to say whatever you've done you are not alone.

If it helps you, it's fine. I'm still grieving my mother so still doing bizarre things.

Here are a couple of my silly things:

-when her favorite drink ran out, I bought a new bottle and poured it into the old one because she had touched it. This was really silly because my entire home is filled with stuff she had touched. I do smile whenever I have this drink because I'm laughing at myself.

-I bought something for myself that I was really buying to remind me of her. It had a gift option on the website for a free gift card and I wrote it to her as being from me. That's not the end of the sillyness though because after that then I couldn't throw it away.

I take comfort from the fact that my mother would have thought I was a nut!

Those are both lovely ways to keep your mum with you in spirit, OP and how nice that you can imagine her laughing with you about them 😀

I loved my Mum, though at times our relationship could be fractious (I think I reminded her of my father that left her) and, being a true Yorkshire woman, she was unlikely to compliment anyone or anything (I'm like that too, so I judge myself on this as much as her).

However, I have a coat she much admired, and said so (shock 😁). I haven't worn that cost for over 13 years. But despite culling my wardrobe several times since she died, I just cannot part with it.

Thanks @PlateBilledDuckyPerson was hoping this thread would get filled with other people's 'little things' they do or have done when grieving to give comfort to the rest of us and the newly bereaved who are worrying it's abnormal.

@user1471453601 - Thank you for posting. That's exactly the sort of thing I meant. On the face of it irrational - why would you keep a coat you don't wear - just as why would I decant a new bottle into an old one - but because you associate it with your mother liking the coat in bereavement it takes on a deeper symbolism to you. That's very sweet.

I have the last jumper my partner wore, unwashed, covering one of the pillows on my bed for 2 years can't bear to get rid of it

I follow people in bright blue jackets with grey hair around morrisons. Keeping them almost out of sight so I can pretend it's my dad doing the shopping with me just disappearing round the aisle

Not quite grieving, but I was driving to see my grandmother when she was dying in hospital at Christmas and completely missed my junction, drove miles past it, and ending up doing a crazy cross country route through little villages. And I came across this tiny village with the most amazing Christmas display ever on the village green and it was just a little moment of sparkle at a tough times.

Not quite grieving, but I was driving to see my grandmother when she was dying in hospital at Christmas and completely missed my junction, drove miles past it, and ending up doing a crazy cross country route through little villages. And I came across this tiny village with the most amazing Christmas display ever on the village green and it was just a little moment of sparkle at a tough times.

My mother was quite glamorous "in her day" and always insisted that a woman should wear at least a touch of makeup even if she was just staying at home. She did her makeup and styled her hair right up until she died at 87!

So in her honor I always put a little effort in, just for her, even though I feel silly doing it. I like to think she'd approve😀

These are all lovely. Thank you for posting. @Groomofthestool that made me well up a bit - how moving.

@GulfCoastBeachGirl I'm sure she'd approve!

I bought a load of flamingo decor because my partner once bought me a flamingo pen.

I bought a load of flamingo decor because my partner once bought me a flamingo pen.

@MorningPlatypus That really made me laugh! Brilliant. I totally understand that. It's like the flamingos are a manifestation of a connection with them.

Do you like your flamingo decor? I'm surprised there is enough flamingo decor for sale to amount to 'a load'!

We were due to move into a cottage we had fully gutted and renovated the week my dads illness took a terrible turn for the worse. Many many hours at the hospice that last week meant some seriously crazy rushed decisions were made for the very last few bits before the move. I hate the basic bathroom taps we chose and the flooring is hideous! I would never ever on a non tired, sane day chosen either! We've been in 4 years now and had a few extra projects with the joiner and plumber around but can I bring myself to change the taps and flooring in the bathroom? No because in some weird way they make me feel close and connected to Dad in some strange way. I laugh about it now but maybe one day I'll bring myself to change them x

I got rid of a lot of it about a year after he died. I've still got a lot of flamingo Christmas decorations.

Now I can remember him and smile, but it was so terrible then.

Every Mother's Day and on her birthday I buy a large bunch of flowers and place them on my lounge table hoping she can see them

If I am buying something eg scarf, earrings etc and there's a green version I buy it a it was my Mums favourite colour,

@Meadowflower2023 - that's funny about the taps. I have a similar feeling about a picture that I really don't like and my mum knew I didn't like but she really loved. I can't bear to take it down because I know she liked it. I think I'd feel too guilty. It's really silly I know.

@MorningPlatypus I didn't know there was such a thing as flamingo christmas decorations!

@BeaLola Buying flowers and putting them where you hope she can see them is lovely.

My mil loved elephants and had a few bits around the house elephant related, I now collect elephant related things and even have one in the garden (named after her ) by a bench so as we can sit and chat to her 💔

I lost my son at 33 weeks of pregnancy. As he was born still, he had blood and fluid leaking from his nose which we would dab with tissues. I kept all of those tissues in his memory box. I think the blood is a reminder to me that even though I never met him living, he was once alive inside me 💙

Just after my mum died, I was driving alone late at night on a fairly deserted M6 when an almighty storm started. Thunder, lightning and torrential rain. I found myself screaming bloody murder into the sheer noise and power of it about how unfair things were. Pulled into a service station and sat crying in the car. When it stopped I felt such peace and I still remember it so vividly 💐

@VaseWaterFlowers you are guaranteed to feel instant guilt the moment you move the said picture. It'll remain there forever :•) Maybe to some it's daft but you have to do whatever brings you comfort. No one else has to understand. It's lovely to hear all the other stories on here too (with tissues)

My Dad's still alive but terminally ill and has been for a number of years. His life's been extended with treatment but ultimately we know he'll die eventually.

Dad's always folded up crisp packets (cheese & onion) and tied them in a knot when he's finished eating them. It used to drive my late mother up the wall because she'd find knotted blue crisp packets down the sofa cushions, on the mantlepiece and all over the house.

He always brings a packet of cheese & onion crisps with him to my house when he visits and I always find the knotted crisp packet left on the table or stuffed down the bloody sofa cushion. When we had his terminal diagnosis, I started to keep the knotted blue packets. I don't know why, but I just put them in my bedside drawer. After a while I had quite a few, so I sourced a large jar with a silver lid and put them in there. Every time I find a new one I add it to the jar, which I keep in the bottom of the wardrobe.

When he passes I'll have a huge jar of blue knotted crisp packets to remember him by, which is quite barmy, but I know it'll bring me a bit of comfort.

@Littlelighthouse condolences to you and to everyone posting. I know what you mean about that connection to blood and being part of them. Completely different, totally not comparable but on a similar theme, I haven't been able to clean a hair brush because it feels like the hair there is part of her.

All of these are so moving and many of them I have echoed in my own behaviour. It's nice to know and reassuring that the little things we do, lots of other people are doing.

@StEtienne93 that's lovely. really made me smile. maybe you could get them all stuck on to a board by an artist and made into a piece of art work you could frame.

I have a little pot of face power that is brand new that smells of my grandmother and every so often , unbeknown to anyone else I will open it and have a tiny sniff .

My family weren’t very emotional growing up , but every time I left from visiting my grandmother I would kiss her cheek goodbye. I never understood how her face had a very particular ( very nice ) scent all the time though!

Even in her 90s she always popped on her face powder and it was only after she had gone I realised it was that that carried the fragrance , not magically my grandmother herself , but a tiny sniff of her face powder takes me right back . Initially I was worried the smell would go over time , but it’s blinking strong stuff , she’s been gone a long while now.

I talk to a taxidermy crow hanging in my shop because it once started spinning very deliberately during a conversation I was having with my friend after my DP died. We're Goths and one of our favourite films is the Crow. Sometimes I feel like a right loon telling it I love it immeasurably but hey ho, if there's any chance he visits that way I'll take it.

I sleep wearing his dressing gown despite having plenty of other nightwear. And a Bagpuss accompanies me.

When he was in hospital after his first brain bleed I reverted to primal magical thinking - gathered up loads of his favourite possessions, lit candles, chanted, all sorts - it was only the looks on my adult children's faces when I pondered out loud if I should drop some of my actual blood into the mix that made me realise how daft it all was .... lots of nervous laughter around that one.

I also chat to flickering lights in our kitchen and bathroom.... I know full well it's probably just dodgy electrics but it's quite nice to bring DP into the conversation sometimes.... although people not close enough to get it are a bit flummoxed.... DP had a really mischievous streak so he'd be chuckling away at my ridiculousness, with plenty of eye rolling....

Whatever gets you through the Dark Night of the Soul I say ....

Much love to all my fellow bereaved here.....

Whatever gets you through the Dark Night of the Soul I say ....

100% agree @MistressoftheDarkSide

DP had a really mischievous streak so he'd be chuckling away at my ridiculousness, with plenty of eye rolling....

I think this is a comfort in itself - thinking of how they would react to our own little behaviours in keeping them close - like I said my mother would think I was a nut! It's sort of a like a little hug from them to yourself.