When the person you would go to for support is themselves bereaved

[AFertalleOff]

My Rabbi recently and suddenly lost an adult child. My parents are very ill and I have to be ready to lose them. I'm scared. Normally I would be open with him about this. But how can I? How can I talk about my distress over something natural, that is going to happen at some point, and that we all have to come to terms with, when he himself is still dealing with something that has actually happened but should never happen, a parent's worst nightmare? It feels so selfish.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Do you have many close friends? Would you consider talking to a counsellor?

if you’re in London is there another US synagogue you could reach out to to see if you could speak to their rabbi?

The idea of talking to a stranger is...weird.

I don't know quite what I want. I don't think it's spiritual guidance.

Is your rabbi back at work? If so, I would speak to him. Say to him what you’ve said here and take it from there. If he doesn’t feel up to it, he can direct you to someone else but I think he’s unlikely to see it as inappropriate for you to talk to him.

I think it's sensitive of you not to talk to your Rabbi about it at this time and to think about his feelings/ how he might be coping.

Do you know if he is generally making himself available for these conversations or not? Is he doing his normal duties or is he taking time out to himself?

People cope differently and he might be someone who wants to carry on with normal life - don't make assumptions - check it with him/ those close to him and see if he is ready or not.

If not then you will need to find the support elsewhere, a different Rabbi, a friend/ family member or maybe a professional counsellor - talking to a stranger might feel weird at first but you might surprise yourself and then you will have two different channels of support rather than one!

Good luck with working through your grief, it sounds like a difficult time for you.